Marcus Keane (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
pushbackthedarkness) wrote2020-01-09 07:57 pm
pushbackthedarkness) wrote2020-01-09 07:57 pm
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It's been some time and Marcus has yet to seek out Kaz.
He knows it's cowardly, but that hasn't been enough to get him moving, because he's also managed to convince himself that he's done well in other areas, so a single failure isn't so bad. After the exorcism, he'd wanted to isolate himself from everyone, keep himself locked away with his drawings, and punish himself until he felt it was sufficient. And it would have never been sufficient.
But he hadn't done that. He had gone to Neil's for Christmas and he had spent time with Dan and Sabrina, he'd gone out for lunch with Kat, and even met a new friend or two. He's seeing a therapist, too, someone who believes him when he says he's an exorcist and he thinks it's making a difference.
Something had to fall by the wayside.
It's true he hadn't actively decided he wouldn't go to see Kaz, that he wouldn't find some way to apologize, but it had felt like the most difficult apology to make and so he'd put it off. And he'd kept putting it off until it had felt like he'd waited too long, so he'd put it off more to the point where he knows how terrible it must look.
Kaz is the one who'd never seen a demonic possession before, however, and no matter what Marcus had said to him, he knows it can't have prepared him for the things the demon had said. The things it had known, dredged up from Kaz's mind to use against him. And how does one even begin to apologize for that? The others had, in their own ways, known was they were in for. Kaz could never have prepared himself.
But finally he goes to the Crow Club. If nothing else, he thinks as he slips inside, a public place gives Kaz the opportunity to throw him out if he wants.
He knows it's cowardly, but that hasn't been enough to get him moving, because he's also managed to convince himself that he's done well in other areas, so a single failure isn't so bad. After the exorcism, he'd wanted to isolate himself from everyone, keep himself locked away with his drawings, and punish himself until he felt it was sufficient. And it would have never been sufficient.
But he hadn't done that. He had gone to Neil's for Christmas and he had spent time with Dan and Sabrina, he'd gone out for lunch with Kat, and even met a new friend or two. He's seeing a therapist, too, someone who believes him when he says he's an exorcist and he thinks it's making a difference.
Something had to fall by the wayside.
It's true he hadn't actively decided he wouldn't go to see Kaz, that he wouldn't find some way to apologize, but it had felt like the most difficult apology to make and so he'd put it off. And he'd kept putting it off until it had felt like he'd waited too long, so he'd put it off more to the point where he knows how terrible it must look.
Kaz is the one who'd never seen a demonic possession before, however, and no matter what Marcus had said to him, he knows it can't have prepared him for the things the demon had said. The things it had known, dredged up from Kaz's mind to use against him. And how does one even begin to apologize for that? The others had, in their own ways, known was they were in for. Kaz could never have prepared himself.
But finally he goes to the Crow Club. If nothing else, he thinks as he slips inside, a public place gives Kaz the opportunity to throw him out if he wants.