[march 16]

[pushbackthedarkness]

Bit by bit and session by session, Marcus's days since the exorcism are getting easier. Without question there are still bad days, ones where he wants to sink into himself and into his drawing, dirtying his hands with charcoal until he feels as if he's managed to get some of the demon out of his soul, and his therapist has suggested he let himself. As long as he doesn't get lost in it, which Marcus suspects would be impossible between Dan and Sabrina, between knowing Kat and Neil will come check on him if they don't hear from him in a few days.

They all keep him honest. It's more than he's ever had before.

What still hurts him the most is knowing he not only failed Tomas to the point where he had become utterly cavalier with his own safety, but knowing, too, that he failed Andy. The kids are safe, he takes heart in that, but he's still killed a man. Nothing will ever change that, and on a Sunday night in March, he finds himself awake long after everyone else has fallen asleep.

With the light turned low in the living room and Trass quiet near his feet, Marcus draws late into the night, and when it finally feels like he can't keep his eyes open any longer, he stumbles to bed with Trass padding along silently by his side. The big wolf settles into the oversized dog bed Marcus had purchased for him and Marcus settles in next to Dan, pressing close to the warmth of him and finally falling asleep with ease.

It's still early when he wakes again, the morning light coming in through the big bedroom windows is still weak and cool, but it isn't the sun that wakes Marcus. It's Trass, nudging his head up onto the bed, whining as he presses his nose against the side of Marcus's face. He grunts and nudges Trass away and the wolf huffs out an annoyed breath even as his tail wags like an excited dog.

"Too early," Marcus mumbles into his pillow, then turns to sling his arm across Dan's waist.

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[pushbackthedarkness]

It's such a strange thing to hear directed at him, a phrase he would have never imagined, and Marcus laughs, though the sound turns into a long, pleased moan before it really goes anywhere. This entire experience is surreal and it makes him tremble, being filled in such a way, something he knows he can't explain because it's just so different.

His thighs relax, which in turn relaxes something else inside of him, and he can feel Dan sliding deeper inside of him. It doesn't hurt exactly, but it burns pleasurably, something that's just hovering on the edge of pain. It could go either way, he knows, but not with Dan. With Dan it's only going to get better and better, because this man would never hurt him.

"Holy shit," he breathes, not knowing what else to say.

[shine_again]

Dan's thankful for the shine in a new way, all over again, as he keeps his attention on making sure that Marcus feels good, that there's as little pain as possible. One of his hands shifts to cup Marcus's face, fingers sliding to the back of his head, thumb smoothing along the soft skin of his cheek.

He shifts, encourages Marcus to hold tighter, and then slides his other hand down between them, seeking out the swollen, pink bundle of nerves that should make this a whole lot better. Stroking the pad of his thumb just above the clit, he keeps the motion of his hips rolling and steady.

It's crazy and hot and crazy hot, but he's not going to lose himself, not before he should.

[pushbackthedarkness]

There are days when Marcus is aware of just how much he'd given up for God. How much time he'd lost in service to the Church, all the things in life he'd let himself overlook, knowing if he experienced them at all he might miss them too much to really give them up. How foolish he had been, thinking God and the Church were the same, when the God Marcus knows has only ever wanted to protect His children.

He may be a bastard sometimes, but He isn't cruel. And He wouldn't want Marcus to have gone without.

Without love, most specifically. And Marcus feels that every single day with Dan, but he feels it again here. It's different. Not stronger, but different. Dan is taking care of him, taking care with him, and all Marcus can do is hold on and gasp at the feel of Dan's fingers and his cock.

[shine_again]

Dan would still have a pretty strong conversation with God, on Marcus's behalf. He understands that the hardness of that life had formed the man he loves, but it doesn't mean Dan approves of it, in practice. The more gratuitous nature of some of that suffering, like the memories given to Marcus so recently.

He's not really thinking about that right now, thankfully. The moment holds his attention, and he's just trying not to shoot off like a teenager.

Dan applies himself to looking for just the right angle, the right fit of his fingers against the softest, slickest skin he's ever felt. "You're so-- so perfect," he breathes, "in any form."

[pushbackthedarkness]

Most of the time, Marcus feels anything but perfect. Chosen by God, but so very far from perfect, and yet here with Dan, he feels like maybe he could be. If not in the eyes of the world, then at least in Dan's, and isn't that the only thing that matters now? That he's loved and he loves and he can feel things he'd never allowed himself before. It had been so easy to keep a distance and so much more difficult to let himself go, but now that he has, he can't imagine any other way.

"Yes," he breathes. "God, Dan, you... you feel like... I don't..."

Then he laughs, because he has no idea what he's trying to say, and all he can really do is hold onto Dan, curl his fingers under, and really hold onto him. He's going to come again, he can feel it building already.