pushbackthedarkness | (no subject)

Never in his life, with as long as it's been and with as many dangers he's faced, has Marcus imagined himself here.

And yet...

The gathering is small, especially now with Kat having gone, and Marcus feels her absence keenly. She had helped him with so much and her touch is everywhere, from the simple, but beautiful centerpiece on the table, to the suit she had helped him pick. It helps a little, having her influence scattered about the celebration. It wouldn't feel quite right, doing all this without Kat after having become so close to her over the years.

It's all so simple. They're on the beach, which feels appropriate for Marcus and Dan, even if they're not about to share why. Not far from where they stand, however, they shared their first kiss, years ago now. They've had dinners here, shared stories, and Marcus asked Dan to marry him mere feet from where they perform the ceremony. Simple is best, truly.

The ceremony isn't religious, because while Marcus is still a man of God, it's God who has made him into a weapon. He doesn't want that here and instead they opt for a civil ceremony, a friend Marcus has made who works at City Hall coming to officiate. There is no alcohol, but instead they have sparkling cider and an easy meal catered from a restaurant Dan and Marcus frequent often.

The only music comes from the bluetooth speakers Marcus has set up around the area, a playlist he and Dan had built together. And when the sun sets, as a surprise to them both, Sabrina uses her magic to light up the water in front of them in something close enough to a fireworks display that it won't attract too much outside attention.

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"Going on ten years," says Bill. "Together on and off since college." He looks down at his hands - he'd given up on wearing his wedding ring a long time before him and Neil turned out to be more serious than either of them thought. "I think it was over before I even got here, though."

Marcus doesn't wonder at that -- things change, people change -- but he doubts it will ever be an experience he has or understands. And it isn't because he thinks he's any more capable at being married than Bill was, but simple statistics. Eventually he or Dan will go. Probably sooner than ten years. It's simply the reality of living in Darrow.

But he doesn't say any of this. Tonight isn't the night for it.

"In the meanwhile, am I meant to give you the talk?" he asks, looking amused.

"I'll do you a deal," says Bill ruefully, pushing his hair back from his face. "You don't give me the talk, and I'll stop talking about the fact that my marriage broke up at your fucking wedding." He winces. "Sorry. I didn't even think. Because, apparently, I'm an asshole."

Marcus laughs, low and genuine, and he shakes his head. "You're not an asshole," he says easily. "Honestly, it hadn't even occurred to me that someone might consider that a faux pas. It's just life, isn't it?"

But then, Marcus hasn't exactly lived a normal life. The social rules most people tend to follow have never been ones he's bothered with. He demands too much, leans too close, expects intimate details, all because those are things that he'd required to do his job well.

"Yeah, I guess it is," says Bill. "And I'm with Neil now and that's...new." He shrugs. "I'm not complaining. It's about time something felt like it was going right in my life." He looks down at the glass of juice in his hand. "I promise, by the way. To take good care of him. To try not to fuck up."

For a moment Marcus is quiet, looking out at the water, then he says, "Neil is the best friend I've ever had. My life before Darrow... well, it didn't exactly lend itself to real friendships, even when I was a child. I was property of the Catholic Church from the time I was eleven years old."

He needs Bill to understand how important Neil is to him when he says what he does next. Because both Marcus and Neil understand the way life and the way Darrow work. Real promises can't be kept. Not here. And that isn't something he can hold against anyone.

"But life is long and strange and we have so little control over so many things," he says, then smiles. "What matters is that it feels like something is going right."

Bill knows a little bit about that himself, given the way life had been in Derry before he'd ended up here. He thinks about Ben and Bev, then. He thinks about Eddie and Stan and all the things he hasn't brought himself to say out loud. He's surprised by the stinging in the corners of his eyes.

"Yeah," he says. "I get that."

"We do all we can in the moment," Marcus says. "That's what matters."

Silence falls again, the water lapping at the shore and he takes a bite of his cake. It really is wonderful cake. Then he smiles, almost to himself, and says, "We stand in the doorway and we push back the darkness."

When he'd said it the first time, he hadn't been aware just how true that was and how far it could extend.

"Be true, be brave, stand," he says, with a faint smile. "Yeah. That's all you can do, in the end." He turns his head and looks at Marcus, wondering what the story is. "Sometimes, it's difficult to forget, isn't it? Just...live in the moment and the light."

"Sometimes it's damn near impossible," he agrees.

After another moment of silence, he looks over at Bill with a crooked smile. "Has Neil ever told you what I did? What I... well, I suppose what I still do, to a certain extent."

He's not only an exorcist any longer, but he also doesn't think he'll ever be able to say he isn't one at all.

Bill shakes his head.

"He hasn't told me much about you, honestly," he admits, almost apologetically. One eyebrow twitches and a smile catches the corner of his mouth. "Until today anyway."

Marcus wonders briefly if Neil has told Bill they used to sleep together. It doesn't really matter, it doesn't change how they are now, but he doesn't know if there are some who might be uncomfortable with their friendship now as a result of it.

He's not going to be the one to bring it up, though.

"I was a priest," he says. "An exorcist, really."

"Oh, really?" says Bill, genuinely interested by that. "There was an exorcist in my last book." He huffs a laugh out, shaking his head. "I probably got the entire thing wrong."

That makes Marcus laugh, the information unexpected and somehow delightful. "Would I be able to find a copy here?" he asks, his smile growing. "I'd be very curious."

He's not sure he's ever read a book about an exorcist before. Nothing that could be considered fiction, anyway, because he's well aware of all the books Ed and Lorraine had written. It's a strange thing, having been friends with Ed now, looking back at those books and their lives.

"I do have a copy, actually," says Bill, grinning, ducking his head into a sudden flare of gentle embarrassment. "Neil found it in a second hand bookstore. I'd be happy to loan it to you." He raises his eyebrows, taking a sip of the drink in his hand. "You'd have to promise not to judge me too harshly."

"I would almost kind of prefer if you got it wrong," Marcus admits with a small smile. "It can be rather horrific at times."

There are moments when it's satisfying, when he knows he's done something right, when he's saved a life. More often than not, the people he's helping survive, but they don't always find a way to go on living. Sometimes they end it, sometimes they simply become shells of who they used to be.