pushbackthedarkness | (no subject)

There is something undeniably strange going on in the studio, but even after weeks of observation, Marcus and Ed haven't quite been able to figure it out.

It's not demonic, he feels fairly sure in that assessment, so they both seem to be leaning toward a ghost of some kind, but trying to put their fingers on exactly what is happening just seems to be impossible. So far it's not as if anything truly frightening has happened. They'd come to the studio in December to find their canvasses blank, but beyond the occasional moving objects and the shifting of paintings neither of them can deny, it's been relatively quiet since then.

Marcus isn't a medium, he can't enter a room and sense things the way he knows Ed's wife was capable, but he likes to think if anything dangerous was really going on here, he would be able to notice. And yet, dangerous or not, there is something here. Something he hasn't yet been able to determine or get rid of. And whether he wants to admit it or not, sometimes he gets a sense of waiting. As if there's something hanging in the air, just hovering there, readying itself for the right time.

Whatever that might mean.

He's made no secret of the studio, though, both Dutch and Matthias know where they can find him if he's not at his apartment or at the Children's Home. He's only just arrived and draped his jacket over a chair when the easel and canvas he'd set up the night before topples over. Heaving a sigh, Marcus rights the entire thing, then turns his back to reach for his charcoal and hears the easel tip over once again.

"Really?" he asks the empty air, holding a bit of charcoal between his fingers. At the same time there's a knock on the door and he stares at the easel for a moment longer before going to see who it is.

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Marcus laughs, trying to imagine what Ed might think, then shakes his head as he turns to face Dutch once more. It's not that he doesn't recognize Ed as an attractive man, he certainly is, but he's also Marcus's closest friend, something akin to family.

"Ed is a rather understanding man, all things considered, but that might be a touch too far for him," he says, shaking his head in amusement. "He was... exceptionally open when I told him I'm bisexual. I think he might have been the first person I've ever said that word to actually."

Because until Darrow, it had never mattered.

"Were you worried?" Dutch asks, frowning. She's always liked everyone, man, woman, whoever and she's never been afraid of telling that to whoever might be around her. But, she wasn't in a position like Marcus was and she wonders if she'd been so open if she'd stayed in the harem, smothered by someone like Khylen.

"Of course you were worried, you wouldn't have been hesitant about telling him if you weren't," Dutch says, wincing. "Ignore that question. It's nice to be able to be open though, isn't it?"

"I was, a little," Marcus answers, even though Dutch has told him to ignore it. Whatever she says, it's a valid question, he knows she's from an entirely different world than he is and further to the point, Dutch has always struck him as someone who's significantly more secure in herself and her desires than Marcus has ever been. They exist and he's always been aware of them, but it was so easy to ignore them when he had the Church to blame.

"The Catholic Church has a lot of fire and brimstone stories directed at queer people," he says. "And although Ed has always been exceptionally kind, I've met plenty of others I'd have said the same thing about who turned on a dime when they found out their neighbour or their brother was gay. I'm not ashamed of what I am, but I... I grew up in a certain environment. It's better, being able to be more open."

"I absolutely understand that. I cannot even imagine how the Quad would be if there was hiding and suppressing yourself like that," Dutch says contemplatively. There were lots of secrets in the Quad but people tended to open about who they were and what they were. They slept with who they wanted because pleasures of the flesh were one of those rare things that didn't cost them money, didn't risk their lives (unless they slept with the wrong person).

"But I'm glad you can be more open here and that you're not worried about what people might think because fuck 'em," Dutch says, nodding. "Literally if you want to."

There are still times when he's worried about what people might think, but never strangers, because strangers have never mattered much to him at all. It's his friends he's concerned about, because these days he actually has those. Ed doesn't seem to mind at all and he knows Kat is more amused by his current romantic life than anything else, but he hasn't said a word about it to Angela. She knows he likes men, she'd caught Neil kissing him goodbye that day, but they'd never made any special effort to discuss it beyond acknowledging it had happened.

He doubts she would approve of what he's doing right now and he knows himself well enough to know outright disapproval would hurt him.

"Truthfully, when it comes to my decisions, it's God I'm most concerned about," he admits. "And I very much doubt He cares who I spend my time with in that regard. He's got bigger worries on his plate."

"Besides, if you're to be believed, He made everyone as they are, right?" Dutch asks. She's never really believed, never really entertained it but she knows enough from Alvis and now from Marcus to know what they believe about how the world came to be.

"So, why would He care who you love or who you want to be with? He wouldn't, right? I don't know much about religion or those who you believe created the world but if He's all powerful and all knowing, everyone's created exactly how He would want to be so you're fine in his eyes."

Dutch leans up and gives him a kiss on his nose. "I bet He cares and He's fine with it."