pushbackthedarkness | [tempter of the holy]

Marcus is exhausted.

He'd known, of course, he'd seen it dozens upon dozens of times in the people he's helped. He'd held them and wiped their tears and tended to their wounds and told them they just had to fight for a little while longer, so he had known, but he had never really appreciated the bone wrenching exhaustion that comes with fighting back from this side.

Every part of his body aches, but he can only feel it from a distance. Everything comes to him as if from a distance, as if he's not really part of his body at all, but something kept just slightly apart. Kept out of the way.

There are times when it feels physical, as if he's pushing back against some barrier, times when he's able to hook his fingers into something and claw to the surface, but those moments are getting more and more difficult to grasp. He feels if he could only wrap his hands around the demon's throat, he would be able to choke it out of him, but every time he tries, a horrible buzzing laugh rips from his mouth and he finds his actual hands yanking against his restraints, trying to reach his own throat.

Matthias comes to him in those moments, soothing him, pressing a cool hand to his burning forehead and Marcus wrenches away from the touch. He had been such a fool to fall for it in the first place, but he'd just felt so lost, so confused, all those memories pressing in on him, time folding over on itself in ways that should have been impossible. In the moment, it had made sense for Matthias to be there. If he was in Darrow and he had also killed Andy, then he could be here without Matthias and Matthias could still be there all at once, only he understands now none of that is true.

He didn't kill Andy. Not the man he is now. And when Matthias comes to him, eyes and voice and smile so familiar, he knows it's wrong. He's so damn ashamed of having fallen for it in the first place.

"You're not you," he hisses at Matthias in a rare moment when he can speak in his own voice. The others don't see Matthias, he knows they don't, but he can't let this stand. This thing wearing Matthias's skin. "You're not you, you don't belong here."

He knows the thing's name. If only he could get back to them properly, if only he could find a moment of awareness, he would be able to tell Sam, but he can't seem to get there. Every time he speaks the name it dissipates on the air and another lash is ripped across his back, leaving his skin bloody and raw.

Even the pain is distant, though. All Marcus knows is how tired he is. How much he just wants to close his eyes and sleep.

"Sleep, älskling," the thing wearing Matthias's face says gently. "Sleep now."

Marcus works up what little strength he has and spits in its face.

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"It's me," he says, the voice coming out of him surprisingly American. Even with Dan's body feeling strange and unfamiliar, he hadn't stopped to think about how he would sound.

"Marcus," he clarifies, surprising himself again with a rough laugh. "It's Marcus. Dan... he did something. I can't explain it, I have no idea how it works, only that it's connected to everything else he can. He's in there now, Kat. He's in there with the demon."

Feeling suddenly shaky with that realization, he reaches for Kat, holding onto her arms gently.

"Oh, whoa, what?" Kat asks, her eyes widening considerably. She doesn't pull away, but she's far too confused to process everything that's just been said. Whatever weirdness she might be used to, after all — and there's been a hell of a lot of it these past few years — people switching bodies, or whatever the hell has just happened, is completely new territory. Dan has abilities of his own, she knows that, but she wouldn't have thought they extended this far.

Making herself pause, she breathes in deeply. "Okay. Slow down. And maybe sit down, you seem like you need to."

Marcus shakes his head, although he still does what Kat suggests and sinks into the nearest chair. The body isn't weak and there isn't any of the pain he's been living with for days now. It's just unfamiliar and difficult to navigate, but he has to. There isn't any other option.

"I don't know how he did it," he says, then exhales. It's so strange hearing his words in Dan's voice, but he doesn't have time to examine it, to explore any of what this is or means.

"The demon, it's been preventing me from telling you or Sam its name," he says in a rush. "Is Sam still here?" It doesn't really matter, he trusts Kat to take the information, to make sure Sam gets it.

"He's around, yeah," Kat says, still sounding more than a little dazed, unable to stop staring at Marcus who looks like Dan. This is weird as hell and entirely out of her element, difficult to wrap her head around even in spite of everything else that's been happening. Apparently weird can always get weirder. Even so, people actually switching bodies is kind of freaky, and she's still trying to come to terms with what she's been told, even as she also just wants to help however she can. That's what she's here for in the first place.

"I'm not sure where right now. Did... he know this was going to happen?"

"Sam?" Marcus asks, then shakes his head. "No, this wasn't planned, not as far as I know. Dan came into the room after you and he said it might be the only way for me to properly speak with either of you."

Not a way to say goodbye. Dan had been very clear on that, he wasn't doing this so Marcus to properly communicate to Kat just how much she's come to mean to him and he won't disrespect Dan or his trust in Kat and Sam by doing so now. Even if he wants to. Even if he's desperate for her to understand, just in case.

Instead, he says, "It's called Vetis. Tempter of the holy. Sam needs to know its name and he... if he makes it angry, if you make it angry, it'll be easier to banish. I think it might hate you a little bit more."

"I'm flattered," Kat says, wry as ever even under circumstances like these. It's flimsy armor, but she can't let herself be worn down too thoroughly, not now, not yet. She has to keep it together and see this through first, especially if there's still anything she can do to help. Later, she can let all of it catch up to her, fall apart if need be. Later, when Marcus is safe, and back in his own body, and not a moment sooner. It's still fucking weird anyway, to keep reminding herself that that's who she's talking to now. At least it provides a good distraction.

Nodding to herself, she exhales slowly, then repeats the name under her breath to commit it to memory in case she needs to be the one to tell Sam. This is a hell of a chance they have here, and she can't risk getting it wrong.

She has other things on her mind too, though, and she can't help but ask, "Are you okay? I mean... relatively?"

Marcus laughs, surprised he can do so, even more surprised when it sounds nothing like his own rough laugh and instead comes out in a much warmer timbre. It's a reminder, too, that he can't stay here for long. Not with Dan waiting for him inside, waiting with the demon. Hiding from it.

"It knows where my love lies," he says simply, an explanation as to why the demon hates Kat more than it does others. It knows Marcus will do anything for her and that it may lose because of it.

At her question, he nods, just a little and says, "I'm holding on. Don't worry about me, duck, I'm stronger than I look."

"Okay," Kat says, still wary, but not really able to do anything but take him at his word. Of course she's going to worry, that much is impossible to change, and of course okay isn't something that really enters the picture right now. She likes to think he'd tell her if things were worse, though, and as strange as it might be, it's easier to take him at his word now that he's here, in someone else's fucking body, than in there with the demon. She knows that they lie, that that's what they do, and that it would hurt him to get to her.

Maybe that's why, though. Maybe it's because it knows she's a threat.

"This'll be over soon, okay? We know how to beat it now, and you know none of us are gonna stop until we do."

It must be odd for her, seeing him in Dan's body like this, and Marcus tries to take that into consideration when he touches her. She and Dan have spent time together, but she doesn't know him nearly as well as she does Marcus, and still he can't help but lift both of Dan's hands to cup her face.

Then he smiles, eyes crinkling at the corners, and he kisses her forehead. It isn't a goodbye, he refuses to think of it as such and yet it feels too important to let this moment go by without giving her something.

"So let's kick its ass," he says when he pulls back.

Kat has to hold her breath for a moment when he kisses her forehead, though it's still hard to reconcile the fact of Marcus being in front of her with the fact that it's Dan's body. Still, she's tired and scared, and with as hard as she's been trying to keep both of those things under wraps, they're closer to the surface than she would like. They haven't won yet, though. When they do, when that happens, then she'll be able to fall apart, however belatedly. Until then, she has to keep going, for exactly the reason he just said. This thing doesn't get to win. They won't give up that easily.

"Goddamn right," she says firmly, nodding once, when she's certain she'll keep it together. "Let's do this."

[tempter of the holy]

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