pushbackthedarkness | (no subject)

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There is something undeniably strange going on in the studio, but even after weeks of observation, Marcus and Ed haven't quite been able to figure it out.

It's not demonic, he feels fairly sure in that assessment, so they both seem to be leaning toward a ghost of some kind, but trying to put their fingers on exactly what is happening just seems to be impossible. So far it's not as if anything truly frightening has happened. They'd come to the studio in December to find their canvasses blank, but beyond the occasional moving objects and the shifting of paintings neither of them can deny, it's been relatively quiet since then.

Marcus isn't a medium, he can't enter a room and sense things the way he knows Ed's wife was capable, but he likes to think if anything dangerous was really going on here, he would be able to notice. And yet, dangerous or not, there is something here. Something he hasn't yet been able to determine or get rid of. And whether he wants to admit it or not, sometimes he gets a sense of waiting. As if there's something hanging in the air, just hovering there, readying itself for the right time.

Whatever that might mean.

He's made no secret of the studio, though, both Dutch and Matthias know where they can find him if he's not at his apartment or at the Children's Home. He's only just arrived and draped his jacket over a chair when the easel and canvas he'd set up the night before topples over. Heaving a sigh, Marcus rights the entire thing, then turns his back to reach for his charcoal and hears the easel tip over once again.

"Really?" he asks the empty air, holding a bit of charcoal between his fingers. At the same time there's a knock on the door and he stares at the easel for a moment longer before going to see who it is.

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For barely a moment Marcus allows himself to consider what might happen if Ed were to decide he needs a little time at the studio, too, if he were to walk in on any of this, but it's a hard thing to worry about when Dutch wraps her arm around him and pulls him closer. He sinks into the feeling of the kiss, letting himself get lost in the softness of her mouth, how smooth her skin feels under the sweep of his thumb.

When she pulls back to speak, he can't help but grin, shrugging one shoulder as if he can't possibly be blamed for wanting to kiss her and in truth he doesn't think he can be. She's absolutely beautiful, she's smart and strong, capable of anything. He's never had much freedom to investigate what he wants, but even before Mouse, he'd known he was attracted to people who were certain of who they were.

"Did I say folly?" he asks with a soft laugh. "I meant to say it was one of our redeeming qualities. Wanting more."

"Oh good, I was going to start doubting everything about my desires if you hadn't said that," Dutch drawls, snickering. "Now, I can safely want more and not worry that I'm being selfish and greedy."

Dutch knows she can be selfish and she can be greedy but she's gotten better at knowing when that's okay and when it's not. She'd felt terrible at wanting things when she'd been in the harem because she'd been provided with so much. Now, she wants what she wants and if she can get it, she will.

"Now, before I want anything else, have you gotten your dirty fingers all over my face?" she asks, trying not to smile. "I can feel whatever it is that marker's made of on my cheeks."

Marcus pulls back a little further to look at her, then uses one of his clean fingers to draw a line through the smudge of charcoal. "It's fine," he tells her with a smile. "It washes off easily enough. It's all over your fingers, too, so chances are you've just smeared it on the back of my neck."

Not that he minds at all. He's usually got charcoal on him somewhere. It's surprising Dutch and Matthias haven't had charcoal rubbed on them more often already. He reaches blindly for the edge of the easel, his fingers finally closing down on the damp cloth he keeps there for cleaning his hands and he smooths it against the mark on Dutch's cheek.

"Better," he says, still smiling.

"It's not the first time I've been dirty anyway," Dutch says, smiling at him before turning her finger in a circle so she can see the back of his neck. Her fingers are pretty blackened and now that he's mentioned his neck, she wants to see.

"And though I would offer to lick it off your neck, I think that might not be a good idea considering what it is that's on your neck. So, we'll have to table the idea of me licking something off you until that's probably not going to be gross and toxic for me. But, I still want to see."

She reaches for her his arm to turn him around, contemplating maybe drawing a little stick figure in the residue she's probably smeared on his neck.

"Mm, maybe don't lick the charcoal, love," he agrees with a laugh, then turns so she can see the back of his neck. There's probably not much there at all, she'd only been touching him for a moment and further to the point, he really doesn't much mind. He goes home from the studio with more charcaol than that on a daily basis.

"But now you've got my interest," he says, with his back still to her. "At least when it comes to something other than charcoal. How's it look? Have you made a terrible mess of me?"

His tone suggests he wouldn't mind that either.

"No, I didn't and I'm honestly disappointed I didn't try harder now," Dutch says, laughing and reaching to smudge the slight bits of charcoal that were dotted on his neck. She presses her thumbs into the black dirt and smears them a bit before laughing.

"Let me see that washcloth unless you'd rather leave it be," she says, reaching to rub his neck (and probably picking up more charcoal as she did) because she couldn't help herself.

"And if you truly want me to make a mess of you, find me something better than charcoal and I will," she croons, grinning.

Marcus hands the cloth back to her before saying, "Oh, just give me a bit of time, I'm sure I could come up with something. Perhaps not in the studio, though, I'm not sure Ed would ever forgive me if he showed up and found one or both of us having lost our clothes."

He would, of course. Ed's probably the closest friend Marcus has ever found himself with and he supposes that's a bit sad, given that he's a fifty year old man who should have had a friend or two in his time, but his life hasn't been quite the usual sort. Most people have a certain path they follow and Marcus hadn't followed even a single a step of that. After Mouse, the people he had spent the most time with had been the possessed. Or priests and he mostly didn't care much for priests, despite being one himself.

"I'm sure I can control myself," Dutch says with a quiet laugh. She cleans the back of his neck up, leaning up to press a kiss to the now clear skin before patting him to signal that she's done.

"I wouldn't want to give Ed a fright," she jokes, shaking his head. "If he were unattached, I might ask him to join on in but I think that might freak him out even more."

She's kidding again, wondering how Marcus will react to something like that, something that she might absolutely do but not in this situation. It's just run to get a reaction out of people.

Marcus laughs, trying to imagine what Ed might think, then shakes his head as he turns to face Dutch once more. It's not that he doesn't recognize Ed as an attractive man, he certainly is, but he's also Marcus's closest friend, something akin to family.

"Ed is a rather understanding man, all things considered, but that might be a touch too far for him," he says, shaking his head in amusement. "He was... exceptionally open when I told him I'm bisexual. I think he might have been the first person I've ever said that word to actually."

Because until Darrow, it had never mattered.

"Were you worried?" Dutch asks, frowning. She's always liked everyone, man, woman, whoever and she's never been afraid of telling that to whoever might be around her. But, she wasn't in a position like Marcus was and she wonders if she'd been so open if she'd stayed in the harem, smothered by someone like Khylen.

"Of course you were worried, you wouldn't have been hesitant about telling him if you weren't," Dutch says, wincing. "Ignore that question. It's nice to be able to be open though, isn't it?"

"I was, a little," Marcus answers, even though Dutch has told him to ignore it. Whatever she says, it's a valid question, he knows she's from an entirely different world than he is and further to the point, Dutch has always struck him as someone who's significantly more secure in herself and her desires than Marcus has ever been. They exist and he's always been aware of them, but it was so easy to ignore them when he had the Church to blame.

"The Catholic Church has a lot of fire and brimstone stories directed at queer people," he says. "And although Ed has always been exceptionally kind, I've met plenty of others I'd have said the same thing about who turned on a dime when they found out their neighbour or their brother was gay. I'm not ashamed of what I am, but I... I grew up in a certain environment. It's better, being able to be more open."

"I absolutely understand that. I cannot even imagine how the Quad would be if there was hiding and suppressing yourself like that," Dutch says contemplatively. There were lots of secrets in the Quad but people tended to open about who they were and what they were. They slept with who they wanted because pleasures of the flesh were one of those rare things that didn't cost them money, didn't risk their lives (unless they slept with the wrong person).

"But I'm glad you can be more open here and that you're not worried about what people might think because fuck 'em," Dutch says, nodding. "Literally if you want to."

There are still times when he's worried about what people might think, but never strangers, because strangers have never mattered much to him at all. It's his friends he's concerned about, because these days he actually has those. Ed doesn't seem to mind at all and he knows Kat is more amused by his current romantic life than anything else, but he hasn't said a word about it to Angela. She knows he likes men, she'd caught Neil kissing him goodbye that day, but they'd never made any special effort to discuss it beyond acknowledging it had happened.

He doubts she would approve of what he's doing right now and he knows himself well enough to know outright disapproval would hurt him.

"Truthfully, when it comes to my decisions, it's God I'm most concerned about," he admits. "And I very much doubt He cares who I spend my time with in that regard. He's got bigger worries on his plate."

"Besides, if you're to be believed, He made everyone as they are, right?" Dutch asks. She's never really believed, never really entertained it but she knows enough from Alvis and now from Marcus to know what they believe about how the world came to be.

"So, why would He care who you love or who you want to be with? He wouldn't, right? I don't know much about religion or those who you believe created the world but if He's all powerful and all knowing, everyone's created exactly how He would want to be so you're fine in his eyes."

Dutch leans up and gives him a kiss on his nose. "I bet He cares and He's fine with it."

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