pushbackthedarkness | [tempter of the holy]

[tempter of the holy]

Marcus is exhausted.

He'd known, of course, he'd seen it dozens upon dozens of times in the people he's helped. He'd held them and wiped their tears and tended to their wounds and told them they just had to fight for a little while longer, so he had known, but he had never really appreciated the bone wrenching exhaustion that comes with fighting back from this side.

Every part of his body aches, but he can only feel it from a distance. Everything comes to him as if from a distance, as if he's not really part of his body at all, but something kept just slightly apart. Kept out of the way.

There are times when it feels physical, as if he's pushing back against some barrier, times when he's able to hook his fingers into something and claw to the surface, but those moments are getting more and more difficult to grasp. He feels if he could only wrap his hands around the demon's throat, he would be able to choke it out of him, but every time he tries, a horrible buzzing laugh rips from his mouth and he finds his actual hands yanking against his restraints, trying to reach his own throat.

Matthias comes to him in those moments, soothing him, pressing a cool hand to his burning forehead and Marcus wrenches away from the touch. He had been such a fool to fall for it in the first place, but he'd just felt so lost, so confused, all those memories pressing in on him, time folding over on itself in ways that should have been impossible. In the moment, it had made sense for Matthias to be there. If he was in Darrow and he had also killed Andy, then he could be here without Matthias and Matthias could still be there all at once, only he understands now none of that is true.

He didn't kill Andy. Not the man he is now. And when Matthias comes to him, eyes and voice and smile so familiar, he knows it's wrong. He's so damn ashamed of having fallen for it in the first place.

"You're not you," he hisses at Matthias in a rare moment when he can speak in his own voice. The others don't see Matthias, he knows they don't, but he can't let this stand. This thing wearing Matthias's skin. "You're not you, you don't belong here."

He knows the thing's name. If only he could get back to them properly, if only he could find a moment of awareness, he would be able to tell Sam, but he can't seem to get there. Every time he speaks the name it dissipates on the air and another lash is ripped across his back, leaving his skin bloody and raw.

Even the pain is distant, though. All Marcus knows is how tired he is. How much he just wants to close his eyes and sleep.

"Sleep, älskling," the thing wearing Matthias's face says gently. "Sleep now."

Marcus works up what little strength he has and spits in its face.

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It's strange, how familiar all of this is starting to feel, and strange, too, how she doesn't think it's really something to get used to. At least she doesn't have the uncertainty she did when it was her sister, and then when it was her mother. Though it's hardly better, she thinks it's gotten a little easier. About half the time, at least, that's the case, and she feels confident then that they'll be able to bring him out of this, that Marcus will be able to get through it. The other half, she's terrified. Marcus is the person she usually counts on for this sort of thing, and it isn't as if he can perform his own exorcism. She knows that, in his absence, she couldn't ask for any better people to be helping him, but it's still hard for him to be the one who's down for the count.

That fear is something she knows she can't let show when she goes into the room where Marcus is. So is the way her stomach turns at the sight of him. At least she's got all sorts of practice with this now, her composure even, arms folded over her chest. Her family has a history of kicking demons' asses, and being in a room with one, she's more impatient than afraid.

"Ready to give up yet?"

"I'm not going anywhere," the thing inside Marcus answers, stretching his body languidly where he's chained. "Why would I, when I've got your holy man all tangled up inside with nowhere for him to go? I don't even think he's fighting any longer. It's all you."

It grins. Marcus's face splits, blood leaking down his chin. A beetle scuttles across his face, having seemingly come from nowhere.

"And you just won't give up, will you?" it asks. "Even if he dies. You need so desperately to make up for what you've done. For the arrest. For those men your sister killed all because you couldn't just trust."

"He wouldn't stop fighting," Kat says, scoffing like that might be the most absurd thing she's ever heard. Truthfully, she's not sure where the line is, where genuine confidence stops and bravado begins. She wants to believe that Marcus is still fighting in there, and she knows better than to take a demon at its word. They lie; that's what they do. But she knows it's lying to Marcus, too, and she just hopes that, wherever he is, he knows that the rest of them are fighting for him, that they won't give up. He wouldn't, if this situation were reversed and it were her or Sam or Neil or Dan in his position. He didn't give up on Casey. The least she can do is return the favor.

"And you know that's ancient history now, right?" she asks. It strikes a nerve, of course it does and probably always will, but she won't give it that satisfaction. "We've dealt with that shit. You don't have anything better? No sharper weapons in your arsenal?" She shouldn't be baiting it, she thinks, but right now, it's hard to care.

"Never knew you were so interested in pain," it answers, grinning. Marcus's lip splits further, blood sluggishly running down his chin and it knows the best way to hurt her will be to hurt him. It could say anything it wanted about the dead girl she loved or her sister, her parents, all her own failures, but the easiest way to hurt her will be through him.

And so it lets Marcus come through. Just a little. Just enough for his eyes to clear and lock on Kat.

"Don't listen to it," he whispers. "Whatever it says. You know that and-" Then his back arches as pain wracks his body, his arms and legs pulling against the restraints. An anguished cry spills out and he's ashamed, wishes he could do better for those around him, but it just hurts.

This is what happened before, she thinks. Not exactly, but close enough to the way her protective instincts surged up when Casey, the real Casey, bled through the demon's control over her. Of course she would give into that; of course she would want to, hating the sight of someone she cares about so much in pain, and the helplessness she feels in this position. Even that is probably worse than it seems. She hasn't actually done nothing here. She helped get Marcus here in the first place, and even if she won't be the one doing any actual exorcising, she'll help get him back, too.

Still, it fucking hurts. She's sure that's the point, but that doesn't make it much easier.

"I know," she says through her teeth, jaw clenched, eyes sad and furious all at once. "We all do. People who know what they're doing with all this are the wrong ones to fuck with."

Marcus laughs for what feels like the first time in years and tears spring to his eyes, but the laugh is genuine. It's real. He's in so much pain, but he looks at Kat with such tenderness in that moment and manages to smile.

"I know, duck," he says. "I'm so lucky I have you."

It isn't a goodbye, Marcus refuses to do anything remotely like that, but there are things he needs to say while he has the chance. Even now he can feel the demon trying to regain control and he knows he doesn't have much time left. With his teeth clenched, Marcus manages to hold on for just a little while longer. Long enough to meet Kat's eyes and keep smiling.

It's probably some sort of sick game, she thinks, the demon letting Marcus through just enough to get her all emotional. It isn't entirely unsuccessful in that, either, though she has no intention of admitting as much or giving into it. He wouldn't want that, and she's trying her absolute fucking best not to let the demon get any sort of foothold with her. She can handle this shit. She has to. The heavy lifting here doesn't fall on her shoulders, this won't all go to shit if she falls apart, but she's had enough of being pushed around and manipulated by fucking demons. She isn't going to give this one that sort of satisfaction.

That's just all a whole lot easier said than done with the way Marcus looks and sounds when he talks to her. "You always will," she says fervently, insistently. "You hear me? I'm not going anywhere, I'm not giving up, none of us are."

Marcus nods, but it's the only thing he manages before he's gone again. A short cry of pain escapes, one he wishes he'd been able to keep back, and then he feels as if he's being buried under an avalanche of dry, papery wings. He slips back, down and under.

And his mouth grins again. Wider and wider, too wide, he grins until his lower lip splits and spills blood down his chin.

"You say you won't give up like it matters," the demon hisses at her. "Like it makes the slightest difference. He's mine now and I'm not letting him go until his soul is as black and rotten as the rest of him."

It matters. Kat won't let herself believe that it doesn't, because she knows that the moment that happens, they've lost. The only way to win is to keep fighting, even if this seems insurmountable, even if they seem to be losing. Marcus is still in there, and just as he wouldn't give up on any of them — as he didn't with Casey, who walked away as alright as she could have because of him — they're going to do the same now, her and Dan and Sam and Neil. She won't downplay the danger here, but she also knows that demons are a lot of bravado, that they like to hear themselves talk. It's fucking annoying.

"Wow, what a cliché," she says, rolling her eyes. "Black rotten soul, ooh, I've never heard that one before."

"And have you ever seen it?" the demon asks. "I can do things to him that will make your sister and mother look like they've never even been touched."

Something inside of Marcus sounds like it's breaking, a dry snapping of twigs. There isn't any pain and he wants to tell Kat not to come any closer, it's just an illusion, something the demon is doing to torment her, but he can't speak. His lips part, but nothing comes out of him by a thin line of bile drooling out of the corner of his mouth and down his cheek.

"Let's break every bone in his body," the demon says. "See how he's doing then."

"Don't," Kat says sharply, unable to ignore the way her stomach turns at the sight in front of her. Some things, it's impossible to get used to, no matter how commonplace possessions and exorcisms are starting to seem in her life. And she's never been able to stand seeing her people hurt. Still, while she has no qualms about talking back to a demon, against her better judgment, she doesn't want to put anyone in harm's way, either. They will beat this thing, and Marcus will have to live with the aftermath. She can't make that any harder for him than it already will be.

Some impulses, though, are hard to curb when it comes to these absolute assholes. "You know what? All I see here is someone who feels like they have to show off. To prove themselves. And all that tells me is that we've already won." She pivots then, walking out of the room to send someone else back in. She'd rather have the last word than get too deep into competition with a demon.

In the time after Kat leaves, the demon laughs softly, not using Marcus's body, but inside of him somehow. The laughter echoes in the caves of the place he's found to hide himself, it bounces off walls and drills into his skull, and it's only when Dan comes into the room that it finally stops.

What they do next isn't something Marcus ever expected. But it happens, that shift and pull, the turning, and one moment he's in his own body, the next he's looking down at it with Dan's eyes.

Then he turns and stands. He doesn't run, he knows he'd only trip and fall on unsteady legs, but he makes for the door as quick as he can, looking for someone, anyone he can speak to.

It surprises him not at all that Kat hasn't gone very far and Marcus stumbles toward her with a gasp.

On her own, or at least just not around the fucking demon, it's a lot harder for Kat to hold herself together. She feels tired, mostly, her limbs aching and eyes dry, chest tight like she can't quite catch her breath. Marcus is the closest thing she has to family here, and as confident as she may be that they'll be able to do this, that the people who care about him will be able to save him, it's still not an easy thing to see this happening. He's the one she'd turn to about something like this, and he's the one who's been taken over this time.

Sitting down, she's trying mostly to breathe when she sees Dan stumble out, frowning a little in concern. If this is hard for her, she knows it must be for him, too. Blinking, she exhales slowly, then tries for a hint of a smile. "Hey," she says. "You okay?"

"It's me," he says, the voice coming out of him surprisingly American. Even with Dan's body feeling strange and unfamiliar, he hadn't stopped to think about how he would sound.

"Marcus," he clarifies, surprising himself again with a rough laugh. "It's Marcus. Dan... he did something. I can't explain it, I have no idea how it works, only that it's connected to everything else he can. He's in there now, Kat. He's in there with the demon."

Feeling suddenly shaky with that realization, he reaches for Kat, holding onto her arms gently.

"Oh, whoa, what?" Kat asks, her eyes widening considerably. She doesn't pull away, but she's far too confused to process everything that's just been said. Whatever weirdness she might be used to, after all — and there's been a hell of a lot of it these past few years — people switching bodies, or whatever the hell has just happened, is completely new territory. Dan has abilities of his own, she knows that, but she wouldn't have thought they extended this far.

Making herself pause, she breathes in deeply. "Okay. Slow down. And maybe sit down, you seem like you need to."

Marcus shakes his head, although he still does what Kat suggests and sinks into the nearest chair. The body isn't weak and there isn't any of the pain he's been living with for days now. It's just unfamiliar and difficult to navigate, but he has to. There isn't any other option.

"I don't know how he did it," he says, then exhales. It's so strange hearing his words in Dan's voice, but he doesn't have time to examine it, to explore any of what this is or means.

"The demon, it's been preventing me from telling you or Sam its name," he says in a rush. "Is Sam still here?" It doesn't really matter, he trusts Kat to take the information, to make sure Sam gets it.

"He's around, yeah," Kat says, still sounding more than a little dazed, unable to stop staring at Marcus who looks like Dan. This is weird as hell and entirely out of her element, difficult to wrap her head around even in spite of everything else that's been happening. Apparently weird can always get weirder. Even so, people actually switching bodies is kind of freaky, and she's still trying to come to terms with what she's been told, even as she also just wants to help however she can. That's what she's here for in the first place.

"I'm not sure where right now. Did... he know this was going to happen?"

"Sam?" Marcus asks, then shakes his head. "No, this wasn't planned, not as far as I know. Dan came into the room after you and he said it might be the only way for me to properly speak with either of you."

Not a way to say goodbye. Dan had been very clear on that, he wasn't doing this so Marcus to properly communicate to Kat just how much she's come to mean to him and he won't disrespect Dan or his trust in Kat and Sam by doing so now. Even if he wants to. Even if he's desperate for her to understand, just in case.

Instead, he says, "It's called Vetis. Tempter of the holy. Sam needs to know its name and he... if he makes it angry, if you make it angry, it'll be easier to banish. I think it might hate you a little bit more."

"I'm flattered," Kat says, wry as ever even under circumstances like these. It's flimsy armor, but she can't let herself be worn down too thoroughly, not now, not yet. She has to keep it together and see this through first, especially if there's still anything she can do to help. Later, she can let all of it catch up to her, fall apart if need be. Later, when Marcus is safe, and back in his own body, and not a moment sooner. It's still fucking weird anyway, to keep reminding herself that that's who she's talking to now. At least it provides a good distraction.

Nodding to herself, she exhales slowly, then repeats the name under her breath to commit it to memory in case she needs to be the one to tell Sam. This is a hell of a chance they have here, and she can't risk getting it wrong.

She has other things on her mind too, though, and she can't help but ask, "Are you okay? I mean... relatively?"

Marcus laughs, surprised he can do so, even more surprised when it sounds nothing like his own rough laugh and instead comes out in a much warmer timbre. It's a reminder, too, that he can't stay here for long. Not with Dan waiting for him inside, waiting with the demon. Hiding from it.

"It knows where my love lies," he says simply, an explanation as to why the demon hates Kat more than it does others. It knows Marcus will do anything for her and that it may lose because of it.

At her question, he nods, just a little and says, "I'm holding on. Don't worry about me, duck, I'm stronger than I look."

"Okay," Kat says, still wary, but not really able to do anything but take him at his word. Of course she's going to worry, that much is impossible to change, and of course okay isn't something that really enters the picture right now. She likes to think he'd tell her if things were worse, though, and as strange as it might be, it's easier to take him at his word now that he's here, in someone else's fucking body, than in there with the demon. She knows that they lie, that that's what they do, and that it would hurt him to get to her.

Maybe that's why, though. Maybe it's because it knows she's a threat.

"This'll be over soon, okay? We know how to beat it now, and you know none of us are gonna stop until we do."

It must be odd for her, seeing him in Dan's body like this, and Marcus tries to take that into consideration when he touches her. She and Dan have spent time together, but she doesn't know him nearly as well as she does Marcus, and still he can't help but lift both of Dan's hands to cup her face.

Then he smiles, eyes crinkling at the corners, and he kisses her forehead. It isn't a goodbye, he refuses to think of it as such and yet it feels too important to let this moment go by without giving her something.

"So let's kick its ass," he says when he pulls back.

Kat has to hold her breath for a moment when he kisses her forehead, though it's still hard to reconcile the fact of Marcus being in front of her with the fact that it's Dan's body. Still, she's tired and scared, and with as hard as she's been trying to keep both of those things under wraps, they're closer to the surface than she would like. They haven't won yet, though. When they do, when that happens, then she'll be able to fall apart, however belatedly. Until then, she has to keep going, for exactly the reason he just said. This thing doesn't get to win. They won't give up that easily.

"Goddamn right," she says firmly, nodding once, when she's certain she'll keep it together. "Let's do this."

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[tempter of the holy]

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