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[november 2]
Nov. 10th, 2018 11:36 amMarcus has been a bloody fool many times in his life, of that there's no doubt and he'd never claim otherwise, but he's also rarely been held accountable for his foolishness. Being who he is -- maybe who he was, even if he's not quite prepared to let go of the past -- he'd gotten away with most of his selfish and arrogant behaviour, right up until he'd found himself excommunicated.
That hadn't changed him, not in the way he supposes it should have, looking back at it now. He owes a lot of Bennett, despite also wanting throttle the man more often than not, and he's never give him enough credit for any of it. And so he'd continued to be a fool, right into Darrow, and he'd continued to get away with it, disappointing the people around him without a thought. Matthias had forgiven him for it, kindly and far more sweetly than Marcus deserves, but Neil hadn't been quite so willing. Marcus had needed to hear it, even if he hadn't wanted to at the time.
Seeing Mouse over and over for those weeks before going to watch that horrid film had only driven it home further. He's fifty-two years old and he's made a life out of pushing others away for fear of them being hurt because of his mistakes, but it becomes more and more plain with each passing day that he regrets doing do. He regrets having pushed Mouse, refusing to answer her questions, and abandoning her when she needed him.
He can't do the same to the people he loves in Darrow.
That first day, he doesn't bring anything with him, he doesn't have an expectations, he just sends Matthias a text to let him know he's coming by. It's funny, just how nervous he is, because he hasn't been really nervous about anything in a long time. Matthias has every reason to refuse him, though, Marcus is very aware of that, but he does his best not to consider that as he shows up at the house and raps gently on the door.
He's nervous and a little frightened, but this is the right thing to do. It's what he wants, to make this life, for all the time he has in it, as real as possible.
That hadn't changed him, not in the way he supposes it should have, looking back at it now. He owes a lot of Bennett, despite also wanting throttle the man more often than not, and he's never give him enough credit for any of it. And so he'd continued to be a fool, right into Darrow, and he'd continued to get away with it, disappointing the people around him without a thought. Matthias had forgiven him for it, kindly and far more sweetly than Marcus deserves, but Neil hadn't been quite so willing. Marcus had needed to hear it, even if he hadn't wanted to at the time.
Seeing Mouse over and over for those weeks before going to watch that horrid film had only driven it home further. He's fifty-two years old and he's made a life out of pushing others away for fear of them being hurt because of his mistakes, but it becomes more and more plain with each passing day that he regrets doing do. He regrets having pushed Mouse, refusing to answer her questions, and abandoning her when she needed him.
He can't do the same to the people he loves in Darrow.
That first day, he doesn't bring anything with him, he doesn't have an expectations, he just sends Matthias a text to let him know he's coming by. It's funny, just how nervous he is, because he hasn't been really nervous about anything in a long time. Matthias has every reason to refuse him, though, Marcus is very aware of that, but he does his best not to consider that as he shows up at the house and raps gently on the door.
He's nervous and a little frightened, but this is the right thing to do. It's what he wants, to make this life, for all the time he has in it, as real as possible.
