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[The Purge]
Oct. 16th, 2024 07:16 pmMarcus had been in Darrow for the last Purge, though he had kept himself secluded and safe at the church, opening its doors to people in need to a safe place to stay and refusing to engage in any of the violence or crime that defined the night.
Seven years later, it's not terribly different, although this time around he's married, has a daughter to worry about, and an entire group home of children he needs to protect, on top of many others he's been worrying about for the past month. The bunker, however, is a vast improvement over the church, between the reinforced door and the extra magical protection Sabrina has put on the place.
He's been planning for a month. They have food, water, generators, candles, books, puzzles, boardgames, and weapons. The weapons he's put away and only specific people know where they are: Dan, Neil and Bill, Jim Hopper and Joyce, as well as Sabrina, even though she's staying at Leviathan for the night.
That's another cause of stress for Marcus, but he's going his best to keep busy and keep safe.
Seven years later, it's not terribly different, although this time around he's married, has a daughter to worry about, and an entire group home of children he needs to protect, on top of many others he's been worrying about for the past month. The bunker, however, is a vast improvement over the church, between the reinforced door and the extra magical protection Sabrina has put on the place.
He's been planning for a month. They have food, water, generators, candles, books, puzzles, boardgames, and weapons. The weapons he's put away and only specific people know where they are: Dan, Neil and Bill, Jim Hopper and Joyce, as well as Sabrina, even though she's staying at Leviathan for the night.
That's another cause of stress for Marcus, but he's going his best to keep busy and keep safe.
(no subject)
Mar. 24th, 2023 01:09 pmThings have been a bit odd at home lately.
It isn't due to anyone else in the house, Sabrina and Dan are both as wonderful as always, and Salem and Trass have an odd, yet respectable relationship. In fact, their home is as harmonious as Marcus has ever imagined one being and he knows he's extremely lucky to have this as his life.
But things have still been odd.
It had begun after the trip he had taken with Sam, Lisbeth, and Viktor to the strange island. Although they hadn't found anything particularly alarming on the trip, there had been some evidence of demonic activity, enough that Marcus has been careful to keep an eye on things since. Until very recently, things had been quiet and he had been hopeful that, whatever it was they'd found, perhaps it had been frightened away.
It's silly. He should have known better.
Sitting outside now, the air in the garden is still crisp, but spring is coming and the snow is nearly melted, and Marcus can see from his chair that the woods look different. He's drinking his morning tea, the mug cupped loosely between his hands, and he has every intention of getting up to investigate further, but he just wants to finish his tea before he does. Best to enjoy it rather than have it potentially interrupted.
And when the back door opens, Marcus doesn't turn. Without looking, simply knowing, he says, "Do the woods over there look strange to you, love? Like... there's something in the trees. Some shape forms from the bare branches and twigs?"
It isn't due to anyone else in the house, Sabrina and Dan are both as wonderful as always, and Salem and Trass have an odd, yet respectable relationship. In fact, their home is as harmonious as Marcus has ever imagined one being and he knows he's extremely lucky to have this as his life.
But things have still been odd.
It had begun after the trip he had taken with Sam, Lisbeth, and Viktor to the strange island. Although they hadn't found anything particularly alarming on the trip, there had been some evidence of demonic activity, enough that Marcus has been careful to keep an eye on things since. Until very recently, things had been quiet and he had been hopeful that, whatever it was they'd found, perhaps it had been frightened away.
It's silly. He should have known better.
Sitting outside now, the air in the garden is still crisp, but spring is coming and the snow is nearly melted, and Marcus can see from his chair that the woods look different. He's drinking his morning tea, the mug cupped loosely between his hands, and he has every intention of getting up to investigate further, but he just wants to finish his tea before he does. Best to enjoy it rather than have it potentially interrupted.
And when the back door opens, Marcus doesn't turn. Without looking, simply knowing, he says, "Do the woods over there look strange to you, love? Like... there's something in the trees. Some shape forms from the bare branches and twigs?"
(no subject)
Jul. 21st, 2021 04:10 pmNever in his life, with as long as it's been and with as many dangers he's faced, has Marcus imagined himself here.
And yet...
The gathering is small, especially now with Kat having gone, and Marcus feels her absence keenly. She had helped him with so much and her touch is everywhere, from the simple, but beautiful centerpiece on the table, to the suit she had helped him pick. It helps a little, having her influence scattered about the celebration. It wouldn't feel quite right, doing all this without Kat after having become so close to her over the years.
It's all so simple. They're on the beach, which feels appropriate for Marcus and Dan, even if they're not about to share why. Not far from where they stand, however, they shared their first kiss, years ago now. They've had dinners here, shared stories, and Marcus asked Dan to marry him mere feet from where they perform the ceremony. Simple is best, truly.
The ceremony isn't religious, because while Marcus is still a man of God, it's God who has made him into a weapon. He doesn't want that here and instead they opt for a civil ceremony, a friend Marcus has made who works at City Hall coming to officiate. There is no alcohol, but instead they have sparkling cider and an easy meal catered from a restaurant Dan and Marcus frequent often.
The only music comes from the bluetooth speakers Marcus has set up around the area, a playlist he and Dan had built together. And when the sun sets, as a surprise to them both, Sabrina uses her magic to light up the water in front of them in something close enough to a fireworks display that it won't attract too much outside attention.
And yet...
The gathering is small, especially now with Kat having gone, and Marcus feels her absence keenly. She had helped him with so much and her touch is everywhere, from the simple, but beautiful centerpiece on the table, to the suit she had helped him pick. It helps a little, having her influence scattered about the celebration. It wouldn't feel quite right, doing all this without Kat after having become so close to her over the years.
It's all so simple. They're on the beach, which feels appropriate for Marcus and Dan, even if they're not about to share why. Not far from where they stand, however, they shared their first kiss, years ago now. They've had dinners here, shared stories, and Marcus asked Dan to marry him mere feet from where they perform the ceremony. Simple is best, truly.
The ceremony isn't religious, because while Marcus is still a man of God, it's God who has made him into a weapon. He doesn't want that here and instead they opt for a civil ceremony, a friend Marcus has made who works at City Hall coming to officiate. There is no alcohol, but instead they have sparkling cider and an easy meal catered from a restaurant Dan and Marcus frequent often.
The only music comes from the bluetooth speakers Marcus has set up around the area, a playlist he and Dan had built together. And when the sun sets, as a surprise to them both, Sabrina uses her magic to light up the water in front of them in something close enough to a fireworks display that it won't attract too much outside attention.
[june 23/24]
May. 30th, 2021 09:33 amThe first day, Marcus gets to work -- a place where he has an office now, one he shares, but still strange enough -- and finds Robin isn't there. This isn't exactly unusual, as she obviously has things to attend to outside of the Home, but by mid-morning, when she still hasn't arrived, Marcus goes looking for someone who might know where she is. He tries Flora first, but can't find her, then Janie, with whom he's developed a rather wonderful friendship, only to discover she isn't in the kitchen where she would normally be.
The few staff members he can find are busy and flustered, trying to pick up the slack where the missing bodies have most been noticed, and Marcus pitches in with a gnawing worry in his stomach.
He's exhausted by the end of the day, they all are, but he calls Dan and tells him what's happened, that some of the staff are missing. He stays the night after he's spoken with Dan to let him know his plan, though he doesn't sleep much. The children need him, especially when he's woken up around two in the morning by screaming babies, and he runs into their room only to realize Amelia is nowhere to be found.
The morning of the twenty-third, he makes some calls. Dan, Sabrina, Kat, Neil. He needs help, both with running the Home, and with trying to figure out what the hell is going on. He had asked Margaret, one of the nurses, to start making calls and she'd nodded and grabbed the staff listing, sitting down at the front desk to call everyone who was missing. By the time Marcus returned, she was gone, the phone beeping angrily where it lay on the floor. He returned it to its cradle, then called the police department, only to be told by a frazzled sounding man they were dealing with all kinds of disappearances now and if he could just handle things, the department would really appreciate it.
Before Marcus could answer, the man on the other end of the line disconnected their call, and two toddlers began to scream from down the hall. In a moment, Marcus becomes painfully aware just how much assistance he really needs.
The staff of the Home, from what he can tell, are gone. All of them. For the moment, he's the only one in the building over the age of eighteen, and for all he loves these kids, he knows he can't do this alone. All he can do for the moment is hope some reinforcements arrive soon.
Once things are settled, tentatively, and he gets some help here, Marcus sneaks outside for a cigarette, standing on the front steps, smoking hurriedly, knowing he doesn't have all that much time before some other crisis arises and he's needed back inside.
The few staff members he can find are busy and flustered, trying to pick up the slack where the missing bodies have most been noticed, and Marcus pitches in with a gnawing worry in his stomach.
He's exhausted by the end of the day, they all are, but he calls Dan and tells him what's happened, that some of the staff are missing. He stays the night after he's spoken with Dan to let him know his plan, though he doesn't sleep much. The children need him, especially when he's woken up around two in the morning by screaming babies, and he runs into their room only to realize Amelia is nowhere to be found.
The morning of the twenty-third, he makes some calls. Dan, Sabrina, Kat, Neil. He needs help, both with running the Home, and with trying to figure out what the hell is going on. He had asked Margaret, one of the nurses, to start making calls and she'd nodded and grabbed the staff listing, sitting down at the front desk to call everyone who was missing. By the time Marcus returned, she was gone, the phone beeping angrily where it lay on the floor. He returned it to its cradle, then called the police department, only to be told by a frazzled sounding man they were dealing with all kinds of disappearances now and if he could just handle things, the department would really appreciate it.
Before Marcus could answer, the man on the other end of the line disconnected their call, and two toddlers began to scream from down the hall. In a moment, Marcus becomes painfully aware just how much assistance he really needs.
The staff of the Home, from what he can tell, are gone. All of them. For the moment, he's the only one in the building over the age of eighteen, and for all he loves these kids, he knows he can't do this alone. All he can do for the moment is hope some reinforcements arrive soon.
Once things are settled, tentatively, and he gets some help here, Marcus sneaks outside for a cigarette, standing on the front steps, smoking hurriedly, knowing he doesn't have all that much time before some other crisis arises and he's needed back inside.
(no subject)
Sep. 18th, 2020 05:12 pmAfter his outing into the woods with Kat, wherein they'd actually collected a bit more evidence to support the existence of the Winrow, Marcus has done more research. He's delved into the books he's been able to find on the subject of Darrow myths and legends, few and far between as they are, and he's spoken to people who used to live out in the same area where he does now. All of it points to this winged, bipedal deer as something that might truly exist.
It only comes out at night. That's what one woman had told him. She'd sounded a bit frightened when saying it and Marcus heard the hint of a song in the words, something he knows he's heard somewhere before, though he can't place it.
Not that it matters. What matters is the information. It stays hidden during the day, if it exists at all, which Marcus finds himself hoping it does. Despite the fear in the woman's voice, she'd seemed certain there was nothing to be truly afraid of, a sentiment echoed by others, as well as the books he's looked into.
But he wants to know more. If it's real, he wants to see it. He's sure Sam will as well, which is why he writes an e-mail to his friend first, outlining what he's learned and what he's experienced. The broken branches, too high up on trees to be an actual deer, the eaten vegetables, and the prints in the garden, far too large to belong to a deer as well. Then there's the sound. That mournful cry in the night. He sends scans of the articles and entries he's found on the subject, a few of the drawings, which look something like a larger and more deer-like version of the Jersey Devil.
Before long, they have a plan. It involves camping out in the dark in the woods. In the cold. But Marcus can't pretend he's not looking forward to it.
It only comes out at night. That's what one woman had told him. She'd sounded a bit frightened when saying it and Marcus heard the hint of a song in the words, something he knows he's heard somewhere before, though he can't place it.
Not that it matters. What matters is the information. It stays hidden during the day, if it exists at all, which Marcus finds himself hoping it does. Despite the fear in the woman's voice, she'd seemed certain there was nothing to be truly afraid of, a sentiment echoed by others, as well as the books he's looked into.
But he wants to know more. If it's real, he wants to see it. He's sure Sam will as well, which is why he writes an e-mail to his friend first, outlining what he's learned and what he's experienced. The broken branches, too high up on trees to be an actual deer, the eaten vegetables, and the prints in the garden, far too large to belong to a deer as well. Then there's the sound. That mournful cry in the night. He sends scans of the articles and entries he's found on the subject, a few of the drawings, which look something like a larger and more deer-like version of the Jersey Devil.
Before long, they have a plan. It involves camping out in the dark in the woods. In the cold. But Marcus can't pretend he's not looking forward to it.
(no subject)
Aug. 12th, 2020 01:57 pmThere's something strange making a home in the woods behind the house Matthias built.
At first, Marcus only notices little things. Vegetables gone from the garden that could have very well been blamed on the deer if not for the fact that the prints are far too large to be made by a deer. Sometimes at night he wakes, thinking he's heard a sound, a mournful sort of baying he can't place, but when he listens for it, he hears nothing at all. He always falls asleep once more, assuming he's imagined it. There are broken branches near the property, high up in the trees, higher than a deer or even a bear would reach if it were scratching itself against the trunk.
None of it feels particularly threatening. It's just strange.
On a few of his days off from the Home, Marcus does some reading into any history of Darrow and strange sightings he can find. There are a few reports of something described as being a winged, bipedal horse, which sounds terribly like the Jersey Devil. Marcus knows the Jersey Devil to be nothing but legend, but in Darrow anything is possible.
A few of the sightings call it the Winrow, which to Marcus sounds like a variation of windrow and he can't imagine whoever coined the name of the creature realized what they were doing. A windrow is hardly frightening. But then, maybe the Winrow isn't all that frightening either.
With another two days off before he needs to return to his regular schedule at the Home, Marcus calls up Kat and asks if she'd like to go on a little hunt in the woods behind his house. He's more curious than anything. He wants to know what's been stealing Dan's vegetables.
At first, Marcus only notices little things. Vegetables gone from the garden that could have very well been blamed on the deer if not for the fact that the prints are far too large to be made by a deer. Sometimes at night he wakes, thinking he's heard a sound, a mournful sort of baying he can't place, but when he listens for it, he hears nothing at all. He always falls asleep once more, assuming he's imagined it. There are broken branches near the property, high up in the trees, higher than a deer or even a bear would reach if it were scratching itself against the trunk.
None of it feels particularly threatening. It's just strange.
On a few of his days off from the Home, Marcus does some reading into any history of Darrow and strange sightings he can find. There are a few reports of something described as being a winged, bipedal horse, which sounds terribly like the Jersey Devil. Marcus knows the Jersey Devil to be nothing but legend, but in Darrow anything is possible.
A few of the sightings call it the Winrow, which to Marcus sounds like a variation of windrow and he can't imagine whoever coined the name of the creature realized what they were doing. A windrow is hardly frightening. But then, maybe the Winrow isn't all that frightening either.
With another two days off before he needs to return to his regular schedule at the Home, Marcus calls up Kat and asks if she'd like to go on a little hunt in the woods behind his house. He's more curious than anything. He wants to know what's been stealing Dan's vegetables.
[august, pre-engagement]
Aug. 3rd, 2020 02:38 pmFor a time, Neil had been the only one to know Marcus was considering any of this, but now that he's come to a decision, there is one person in particular he needs to tell. Besides Dan, of course.
He goes to meet up with Kat for dinner with the ring in his pocket so he can show it to her. He's a little nervous about it, not the proposal itself, but the ring and he isn't entirely sure why. It feels like the right ring, he'd spent a lot of time trying to work it out and had been halfway through a text to Kat asking for her help when he'd found it. It had been entirely by chance, walking past the jewelry store with the rings in the window, but it had immediately drawn him. It's the right ring. It's Dan's ring.
But he's still nervous about it.
Even now, waiting outside the restaurant for Kat, he keeps putting his hand in his pocket to feel the ring box. He's pacing, moving back and forth across the sidewalk and touching the box before he looks down the road and sees Kat heading toward him. With a smile, he pulls his hand from his pocket so he can wave to her, then goes to meet her.
He goes to meet up with Kat for dinner with the ring in his pocket so he can show it to her. He's a little nervous about it, not the proposal itself, but the ring and he isn't entirely sure why. It feels like the right ring, he'd spent a lot of time trying to work it out and had been halfway through a text to Kat asking for her help when he'd found it. It had been entirely by chance, walking past the jewelry store with the rings in the window, but it had immediately drawn him. It's the right ring. It's Dan's ring.
But he's still nervous about it.
Even now, waiting outside the restaurant for Kat, he keeps putting his hand in his pocket to feel the ring box. He's pacing, moving back and forth across the sidewalk and touching the box before he looks down the road and sees Kat heading toward him. With a smile, he pulls his hand from his pocket so he can wave to her, then goes to meet her.
(no subject)
Jul. 19th, 2020 11:22 amWhen all was said and done, picking a ring had turned out to be a lot easier than Marcus had anticipated. For a time, he had considered asking for Neil's help, but it hadn't felt right, involving him in something like a proposal when he was in the process of leaving his own marriage. He'd thought about asking Kat, too, or Sam, and had been halfway through a text message to the both of them when he'd passed by a small jewelry store, the lighting inside dim and atmospheric.
The Latin inscriptions had drawn him first and then the beauty and the quality of the pieces. He'd found the one after looking at only a few, glancing at the inscription -- Ab Hinc -- for the barest of moments before he'd told the owner it was the one he wanted. From Here On.
It feels exactly right.
Marcus doesn't think he knows how to be properly romantic, but Dan deserves it, so he tries. It's a Sunday, so he knows the beach will be less busy that evening than on a Friday or Saturday, and so he sends Dan a text to meet him. He has nothing with him but a blanket, the ring, and some sparkling, non-alcoholic cider to celebrate, and he keeps the ring in his pocket, but hides the rest down the beach in a private nook. The place they had gone together that evening last summer, the first evening they had kissed.
He's waiting for Dan now on the boardwalk, leaning against the edge, his forearms draped over the railing. He's nervous and he isn't. He's excited and scared. He still doesn't know if he deserves this happiness, but Dan does, and so long as he focuses on Dan, he feels like he's doing exactly the right thing.
The Latin inscriptions had drawn him first and then the beauty and the quality of the pieces. He'd found the one after looking at only a few, glancing at the inscription -- Ab Hinc -- for the barest of moments before he'd told the owner it was the one he wanted. From Here On.
It feels exactly right.
Marcus doesn't think he knows how to be properly romantic, but Dan deserves it, so he tries. It's a Sunday, so he knows the beach will be less busy that evening than on a Friday or Saturday, and so he sends Dan a text to meet him. He has nothing with him but a blanket, the ring, and some sparkling, non-alcoholic cider to celebrate, and he keeps the ring in his pocket, but hides the rest down the beach in a private nook. The place they had gone together that evening last summer, the first evening they had kissed.
He's waiting for Dan now on the boardwalk, leaning against the edge, his forearms draped over the railing. He's nervous and he isn't. He's excited and scared. He still doesn't know if he deserves this happiness, but Dan does, and so long as he focuses on Dan, he feels like he's doing exactly the right thing.
(no subject)
Jun. 11th, 2020 09:26 amHaving reluctantly left Neil to talk to Grantaire on his own, Marcus returns to the bedroom, pausing every so often to listen for the voices outside. It seems that Grantaire is done shouting, though he can occasionally hear Neil's voice, despite his efforts to keep the volume down, and he finds he's glad Sabrina is with Nick for the night. She'd not respond well to this, nor should she have to, and Marcus is relieved she'll get to be kept out of it.
He's not sorry to have given Neil a place to stay and he'll never take back that offer or the safety of his home. Nor does he entirely blame Grantaire for his outburst, although he does wish, with a very heavy heart, that he hadn't returned to drinking. This is life, for better or worse, and for the first time in five long decades, Marcus is a part of it. His love for Neil far outweighs any loss of sleep or concern he has for the glass outside. None of that matters. He is a little worried about Dan, however.
But this is where they've all found themselves and Marcus eases open the bedroom door and slips back inside, closing it gently behind him. Dan won't have fallen back asleep, not now, but just in case he doesn't want to risk waking him.
As he expected, though, the bedside lamp is still on and Marcus rubs his hands over a tired face, then looks to Dan.
He's not sorry to have given Neil a place to stay and he'll never take back that offer or the safety of his home. Nor does he entirely blame Grantaire for his outburst, although he does wish, with a very heavy heart, that he hadn't returned to drinking. This is life, for better or worse, and for the first time in five long decades, Marcus is a part of it. His love for Neil far outweighs any loss of sleep or concern he has for the glass outside. None of that matters. He is a little worried about Dan, however.
But this is where they've all found themselves and Marcus eases open the bedroom door and slips back inside, closing it gently behind him. Dan won't have fallen back asleep, not now, but just in case he doesn't want to risk waking him.
As he expected, though, the bedside lamp is still on and Marcus rubs his hands over a tired face, then looks to Dan.
(no subject)
May. 31st, 2020 09:03 amSince the day Dan had brought up the topic weeks ago, Marcus has been turning it over in his mind, trying to determine what he really feels about the idea of marriage. It isn't that he takes issue with men marrying each other -- or women -- and he thinks the fact that he'd officiated Neil's wedding with great honour can attest to that. It isn't even that he believes God is opposed to it, that he would be doing something contrary to his maker's guidelines, because he has to believe if God truly cared about any of it, He'd have made it known long ago.
It's awful to admit, but he thinks it might be the priests who had raised him. Marcus hates the idea of giving those men any such credit for having shaped the way he thinks about himself, but he has to imagine it must be possible. He had spent so much of his childhood and young adulthood with them, listening to them, internalizing their messages without even truly realizing it. He's never been a man who cared much for rules, not those set forth by the Church, not those put upon him by others.
But here he is. Uncertain and left feeling rather foolish because of it.
He had asked Neil to meet him for a drink, knowing if there's anyone who will tell him what an idiot he's being, it's Neil. And that's exactly what he needs right now more than anything else. He needs to be reminded that he isn't part of that world any longer and their rules don't apply to him.
Sitting in a booth at the pub, Marcus is already nursing a dark ale when Neil comes in and he raises his hand in greeting to let him know where he's seated.
It's awful to admit, but he thinks it might be the priests who had raised him. Marcus hates the idea of giving those men any such credit for having shaped the way he thinks about himself, but he has to imagine it must be possible. He had spent so much of his childhood and young adulthood with them, listening to them, internalizing their messages without even truly realizing it. He's never been a man who cared much for rules, not those set forth by the Church, not those put upon him by others.
But here he is. Uncertain and left feeling rather foolish because of it.
He had asked Neil to meet him for a drink, knowing if there's anyone who will tell him what an idiot he's being, it's Neil. And that's exactly what he needs right now more than anything else. He needs to be reminded that he isn't part of that world any longer and their rules don't apply to him.
Sitting in a booth at the pub, Marcus is already nursing a dark ale when Neil comes in and he raises his hand in greeting to let him know where he's seated.
(no subject)
Apr. 20th, 2020 06:33 pmMarcus has promised Dan he'll keep an eye on Rue.
He isn't obvious about it, he knows something like that will only result in the girl closing down even further, but Dan cares for her and is worried about her, so Marcus does his best to make sure she's looked after whenever he's working one of his shifts at the Home. It can all pass at him just doing the job he's signed up to do, after all, making sure the kids are fed if they don't want to come to the communal meal, helping with their homework if they need, just spending time with them if they don't or if they're lonely and looking for some company. He talks to them, too, and some of them confide in him. Some of them don't. He isn't bothered by it.
This is all something he's very good at, looking out for the kids here, and it's nice to find something he can do besides banishing demons.
He tries not to play favourites and he's been helping one of the fifth graders with his homework for about thirty minutes when he sees Rue coming into the common room. So after they answer one more question together, Marcus gets up from the table and wanders over to where Rue is sitting on the couch, sinking down beside her with a smile.
"Homework done?" he asks, though he's wearing a bit of a smile that says he's only teasing her.
He isn't obvious about it, he knows something like that will only result in the girl closing down even further, but Dan cares for her and is worried about her, so Marcus does his best to make sure she's looked after whenever he's working one of his shifts at the Home. It can all pass at him just doing the job he's signed up to do, after all, making sure the kids are fed if they don't want to come to the communal meal, helping with their homework if they need, just spending time with them if they don't or if they're lonely and looking for some company. He talks to them, too, and some of them confide in him. Some of them don't. He isn't bothered by it.
This is all something he's very good at, looking out for the kids here, and it's nice to find something he can do besides banishing demons.
He tries not to play favourites and he's been helping one of the fifth graders with his homework for about thirty minutes when he sees Rue coming into the common room. So after they answer one more question together, Marcus gets up from the table and wanders over to where Rue is sitting on the couch, sinking down beside her with a smile.
"Homework done?" he asks, though he's wearing a bit of a smile that says he's only teasing her.
(no subject)
Apr. 14th, 2020 05:55 pmMarcus remembers a time when having nothing to do would have driven him mad with restlessness. He remembers days spent furiously sketching on canvas with charcoal, his hands black with it, feeling as if the drawings were the only way for him to get out the dark things that circled his soul. Waiting for another assignment had always been difficult for him and he'd had a hard time staying in one place.
At some point, all that had changed.
The day stretches out ahead of him and Dan with absolutely nothing planned. Sabrina has left for school, neither of them have any work to do, and Trass disappeared out the back door when Marcus rolled out of bed around six in the morning to let him leave. They're alone in the house now, having slept later than usual, and Marcus stretches as he comes out of the shower, his hair still wet, longer than it's been in some time, and dressed in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt.
"How do you feel about waffles?" he asks Dan as he passes the bed and pauses at the door to look back. "Once you're out of the shower, I'll have coffee ready for you. And waffles?"
Not that long ago, this life would have been impossible. He would have said he'd never be able to stand it. Now, he knows, how foolish and wrong he was. He's never been more content.
At some point, all that had changed.
The day stretches out ahead of him and Dan with absolutely nothing planned. Sabrina has left for school, neither of them have any work to do, and Trass disappeared out the back door when Marcus rolled out of bed around six in the morning to let him leave. They're alone in the house now, having slept later than usual, and Marcus stretches as he comes out of the shower, his hair still wet, longer than it's been in some time, and dressed in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt.
"How do you feel about waffles?" he asks Dan as he passes the bed and pauses at the door to look back. "Once you're out of the shower, I'll have coffee ready for you. And waffles?"
Not that long ago, this life would have been impossible. He would have said he'd never be able to stand it. Now, he knows, how foolish and wrong he was. He's never been more content.
[march 16]
Feb. 7th, 2020 01:45 pmBit by bit and session by session, Marcus's days since the exorcism are getting easier. Without question there are still bad days, ones where he wants to sink into himself and into his drawing, dirtying his hands with charcoal until he feels as if he's managed to get some of the demon out of his soul, and his therapist has suggested he let himself. As long as he doesn't get lost in it, which Marcus suspects would be impossible between Dan and Sabrina, between knowing Kat and Neil will come check on him if they don't hear from him in a few days.
They all keep him honest. It's more than he's ever had before.
What still hurts him the most is knowing he not only failed Tomas to the point where he had become utterly cavalier with his own safety, but knowing, too, that he failed Andy. The kids are safe, he takes heart in that, but he's still killed a man. Nothing will ever change that, and on a Sunday night in March, he finds himself awake long after everyone else has fallen asleep.
With the light turned low in the living room and Trass quiet near his feet, Marcus draws late into the night, and when it finally feels like he can't keep his eyes open any longer, he stumbles to bed with Trass padding along silently by his side. The big wolf settles into the oversized dog bed Marcus had purchased for him and Marcus settles in next to Dan, pressing close to the warmth of him and finally falling asleep with ease.
It's still early when he wakes again, the morning light coming in through the big bedroom windows is still weak and cool, but it isn't the sun that wakes Marcus. It's Trass, nudging his head up onto the bed, whining as he presses his nose against the side of Marcus's face. He grunts and nudges Trass away and the wolf huffs out an annoyed breath even as his tail wags like an excited dog.
"Too early," Marcus mumbles into his pillow, then turns to sling his arm across Dan's waist.
They all keep him honest. It's more than he's ever had before.
What still hurts him the most is knowing he not only failed Tomas to the point where he had become utterly cavalier with his own safety, but knowing, too, that he failed Andy. The kids are safe, he takes heart in that, but he's still killed a man. Nothing will ever change that, and on a Sunday night in March, he finds himself awake long after everyone else has fallen asleep.
With the light turned low in the living room and Trass quiet near his feet, Marcus draws late into the night, and when it finally feels like he can't keep his eyes open any longer, he stumbles to bed with Trass padding along silently by his side. The big wolf settles into the oversized dog bed Marcus had purchased for him and Marcus settles in next to Dan, pressing close to the warmth of him and finally falling asleep with ease.
It's still early when he wakes again, the morning light coming in through the big bedroom windows is still weak and cool, but it isn't the sun that wakes Marcus. It's Trass, nudging his head up onto the bed, whining as he presses his nose against the side of Marcus's face. He grunts and nudges Trass away and the wolf huffs out an annoyed breath even as his tail wags like an excited dog.
"Too early," Marcus mumbles into his pillow, then turns to sling his arm across Dan's waist.
(no subject)
Jan. 9th, 2020 07:57 pmIt's been some time and Marcus has yet to seek out Kaz.
He knows it's cowardly, but that hasn't been enough to get him moving, because he's also managed to convince himself that he's done well in other areas, so a single failure isn't so bad. After the exorcism, he'd wanted to isolate himself from everyone, keep himself locked away with his drawings, and punish himself until he felt it was sufficient. And it would have never been sufficient.
But he hadn't done that. He had gone to Neil's for Christmas and he had spent time with Dan and Sabrina, he'd gone out for lunch with Kat, and even met a new friend or two. He's seeing a therapist, too, someone who believes him when he says he's an exorcist and he thinks it's making a difference.
Something had to fall by the wayside.
It's true he hadn't actively decided he wouldn't go to see Kaz, that he wouldn't find some way to apologize, but it had felt like the most difficult apology to make and so he'd put it off. And he'd kept putting it off until it had felt like he'd waited too long, so he'd put it off more to the point where he knows how terrible it must look.
Kaz is the one who'd never seen a demonic possession before, however, and no matter what Marcus had said to him, he knows it can't have prepared him for the things the demon had said. The things it had known, dredged up from Kaz's mind to use against him. And how does one even begin to apologize for that? The others had, in their own ways, known was they were in for. Kaz could never have prepared himself.
But finally he goes to the Crow Club. If nothing else, he thinks as he slips inside, a public place gives Kaz the opportunity to throw him out if he wants.
He knows it's cowardly, but that hasn't been enough to get him moving, because he's also managed to convince himself that he's done well in other areas, so a single failure isn't so bad. After the exorcism, he'd wanted to isolate himself from everyone, keep himself locked away with his drawings, and punish himself until he felt it was sufficient. And it would have never been sufficient.
But he hadn't done that. He had gone to Neil's for Christmas and he had spent time with Dan and Sabrina, he'd gone out for lunch with Kat, and even met a new friend or two. He's seeing a therapist, too, someone who believes him when he says he's an exorcist and he thinks it's making a difference.
Something had to fall by the wayside.
It's true he hadn't actively decided he wouldn't go to see Kaz, that he wouldn't find some way to apologize, but it had felt like the most difficult apology to make and so he'd put it off. And he'd kept putting it off until it had felt like he'd waited too long, so he'd put it off more to the point where he knows how terrible it must look.
Kaz is the one who'd never seen a demonic possession before, however, and no matter what Marcus had said to him, he knows it can't have prepared him for the things the demon had said. The things it had known, dredged up from Kaz's mind to use against him. And how does one even begin to apologize for that? The others had, in their own ways, known was they were in for. Kaz could never have prepared himself.
But finally he goes to the Crow Club. If nothing else, he thinks as he slips inside, a public place gives Kaz the opportunity to throw him out if he wants.
(no subject)
Dec. 6th, 2019 11:54 amEvery muscle in Marcus's body aches, the cuts and bruises have yet to heal, and he's still exhausted more often than not, but he can't stay at home any longer. The others would argue with him he expects, tell him he needs more time to rest and recover, but sleep hasn't been coming easily and there's really only so much lying awake in bed he can do before he begins to feel like he's only making it worse with what feels a little too much like isolation.
It's the opposite of what he would recommend someone else do in his situation. He's sat quietly by the side of so many people, waiting for them to be ready to ask the question he knows is always on their mind in the aftermath. Where do I go from here? And he's told them, all of them, whatever they do, they ought not to try and go it alone. Isolation is part of what the demon wanted from them to begin with. Refusing to fall into that in what follows is just another way of reminding themselves that they won.
And he did win. They all won. They dragged him back.
So he calls the Home. He tells them he'll be back for his shifts next week. He sends Sabrina off to school and Dan off to work with a kiss, then texts Neil to tell him he's looking forward to coming over for tree decorating. Then he does something foolish and sentimental, and buries his face in the thick fur at Trass's neck, inhaling the scent of wolf that's become both familiar and comforting. The wolf bears it with little protest, then disappears out the door when Marcus opens it, bounding off into the snow.
Marcus goes to the truck, watches Trass disappear into the trees, then gets in and heads into town.
It's Kat he's looking for this afternoon, thinking he can surprise her at work and they can go out for lunch. He could text her, make sure she's there, but he enjoys the drive and he finds he's enjoying the uncertainty of it, too. If she isn't at work, perhaps he'll try her at home, maybe then giving her a call to see where she is, but for now, he feels almost content.
She told him once the building where she works now used to be a bookstore and he can see a bit of that as he enters. It's quiet, though, and Marcus feels himself relaxing bit by bit, as if simply being somewhere quiet and connected to the supernatural goings on in Darrow is enough to ease the parts of him still reeling from the demon.
"Hello?" he calls out, peering around at the desks near the front. "Anyone at home?"
It's the opposite of what he would recommend someone else do in his situation. He's sat quietly by the side of so many people, waiting for them to be ready to ask the question he knows is always on their mind in the aftermath. Where do I go from here? And he's told them, all of them, whatever they do, they ought not to try and go it alone. Isolation is part of what the demon wanted from them to begin with. Refusing to fall into that in what follows is just another way of reminding themselves that they won.
And he did win. They all won. They dragged him back.
So he calls the Home. He tells them he'll be back for his shifts next week. He sends Sabrina off to school and Dan off to work with a kiss, then texts Neil to tell him he's looking forward to coming over for tree decorating. Then he does something foolish and sentimental, and buries his face in the thick fur at Trass's neck, inhaling the scent of wolf that's become both familiar and comforting. The wolf bears it with little protest, then disappears out the door when Marcus opens it, bounding off into the snow.
Marcus goes to the truck, watches Trass disappear into the trees, then gets in and heads into town.
It's Kat he's looking for this afternoon, thinking he can surprise her at work and they can go out for lunch. He could text her, make sure she's there, but he enjoys the drive and he finds he's enjoying the uncertainty of it, too. If she isn't at work, perhaps he'll try her at home, maybe then giving her a call to see where she is, but for now, he feels almost content.
She told him once the building where she works now used to be a bookstore and he can see a bit of that as he enters. It's quiet, though, and Marcus feels himself relaxing bit by bit, as if simply being somewhere quiet and connected to the supernatural goings on in Darrow is enough to ease the parts of him still reeling from the demon.
"Hello?" he calls out, peering around at the desks near the front. "Anyone at home?"
[tempter of the holy]
Dec. 5th, 2019 11:48 amMarcus is exhausted.
He'd known, of course, he'd seen it dozens upon dozens of times in the people he's helped. He'd held them and wiped their tears and tended to their wounds and told them they just had to fight for a little while longer, so he had known, but he had never really appreciated the bone wrenching exhaustion that comes with fighting back from this side.
Every part of his body aches, but he can only feel it from a distance. Everything comes to him as if from a distance, as if he's not really part of his body at all, but something kept just slightly apart. Kept out of the way.
There are times when it feels physical, as if he's pushing back against some barrier, times when he's able to hook his fingers into something and claw to the surface, but those moments are getting more and more difficult to grasp. He feels if he could only wrap his hands around the demon's throat, he would be able to choke it out of him, but every time he tries, a horrible buzzing laugh rips from his mouth and he finds his actual hands yanking against his restraints, trying to reach his own throat.
Matthias comes to him in those moments, soothing him, pressing a cool hand to his burning forehead and Marcus wrenches away from the touch. He had been such a fool to fall for it in the first place, but he'd just felt so lost, so confused, all those memories pressing in on him, time folding over on itself in ways that should have been impossible. In the moment, it had made sense for Matthias to be there. If he was in Darrow and he had also killed Andy, then he could be here without Matthias and Matthias could still be there all at once, only he understands now none of that is true.
He didn't kill Andy. Not the man he is now. And when Matthias comes to him, eyes and voice and smile so familiar, he knows it's wrong. He's so damn ashamed of having fallen for it in the first place.
"You're not you," he hisses at Matthias in a rare moment when he can speak in his own voice. The others don't see Matthias, he knows they don't, but he can't let this stand. This thing wearing Matthias's skin. "You're not you, you don't belong here."
He knows the thing's name. If only he could get back to them properly, if only he could find a moment of awareness, he would be able to tell Sam, but he can't seem to get there. Every time he speaks the name it dissipates on the air and another lash is ripped across his back, leaving his skin bloody and raw.
Even the pain is distant, though. All Marcus knows is how tired he is. How much he just wants to close his eyes and sleep.
"Sleep, älskling," the thing wearing Matthias's face says gently. "Sleep now."
Marcus works up what little strength he has and spits in its face.
He'd known, of course, he'd seen it dozens upon dozens of times in the people he's helped. He'd held them and wiped their tears and tended to their wounds and told them they just had to fight for a little while longer, so he had known, but he had never really appreciated the bone wrenching exhaustion that comes with fighting back from this side.
Every part of his body aches, but he can only feel it from a distance. Everything comes to him as if from a distance, as if he's not really part of his body at all, but something kept just slightly apart. Kept out of the way.
There are times when it feels physical, as if he's pushing back against some barrier, times when he's able to hook his fingers into something and claw to the surface, but those moments are getting more and more difficult to grasp. He feels if he could only wrap his hands around the demon's throat, he would be able to choke it out of him, but every time he tries, a horrible buzzing laugh rips from his mouth and he finds his actual hands yanking against his restraints, trying to reach his own throat.
Matthias comes to him in those moments, soothing him, pressing a cool hand to his burning forehead and Marcus wrenches away from the touch. He had been such a fool to fall for it in the first place, but he'd just felt so lost, so confused, all those memories pressing in on him, time folding over on itself in ways that should have been impossible. In the moment, it had made sense for Matthias to be there. If he was in Darrow and he had also killed Andy, then he could be here without Matthias and Matthias could still be there all at once, only he understands now none of that is true.
He didn't kill Andy. Not the man he is now. And when Matthias comes to him, eyes and voice and smile so familiar, he knows it's wrong. He's so damn ashamed of having fallen for it in the first place.
"You're not you," he hisses at Matthias in a rare moment when he can speak in his own voice. The others don't see Matthias, he knows they don't, but he can't let this stand. This thing wearing Matthias's skin. "You're not you, you don't belong here."
He knows the thing's name. If only he could get back to them properly, if only he could find a moment of awareness, he would be able to tell Sam, but he can't seem to get there. Every time he speaks the name it dissipates on the air and another lash is ripped across his back, leaving his skin bloody and raw.
Even the pain is distant, though. All Marcus knows is how tired he is. How much he just wants to close his eyes and sleep.
"Sleep, älskling," the thing wearing Matthias's face says gently. "Sleep now."
Marcus works up what little strength he has and spits in its face.
(no subject)
Nov. 21st, 2019 01:49 pmDay by day and bit by bit, Marcus begins to return to normal.
It had been surprisingly easy to find a therapist in Darrow with experience in possessions and exorcisms, or perhaps not that surprising, given the way this city is put together, and for the first time in his life, Marcus has something he wants to get better for. Another world, another life, another location and he would have just set this all aside in some locked box deep inside his mind and never properly dealt with it.
But he has someone who loves him. A chosen family made up of people he never would have expected. A best friend who is so much more than those two words can ever possibly begin to encompass. He owes them all better than pretending none of this had hurt him and so he goes to the therapist and he tells his story and she listens like he doesn't think anyone has ever listened to him before.
After a few sessions, she asks how he feels about meditation. She tells him it might help him to feel more in control of his mind and his body again, to focus on his breathing and to clear his mind of anything else. When Marcus admits he wouldn't have the slightest idea where to begin with someone like that, she suggests yoga.
It turns out he rather loves it.
And now, on a late winter afternoon, Marcus has a mat spread out on the living room floor. The light is already beginning to fade from the day, leaving the room mostly lit by the twinkling lights on the Christmas tree he had insisted on putting up. No demon is going to ruin his first holiday season with both Dan and Sabrina living with him. He absolutely intends on having Neil, Kat, Sam, Molly and others over for a dinner, if they're willing.
For now, though, he breathes slowly, pushes up through upward dog and into downward dog, taking the time to stretch out his calves, his hamstrings. Each movement follows an inhale or an exhale. He moves in time with his breath, slow and controlled, through a sun salutation, then down again, lowering himself through chaturanga and then back to downward dog.
His therapist is right, as it turns out. All this makes him feel remarkably better.
It had been surprisingly easy to find a therapist in Darrow with experience in possessions and exorcisms, or perhaps not that surprising, given the way this city is put together, and for the first time in his life, Marcus has something he wants to get better for. Another world, another life, another location and he would have just set this all aside in some locked box deep inside his mind and never properly dealt with it.
But he has someone who loves him. A chosen family made up of people he never would have expected. A best friend who is so much more than those two words can ever possibly begin to encompass. He owes them all better than pretending none of this had hurt him and so he goes to the therapist and he tells his story and she listens like he doesn't think anyone has ever listened to him before.
After a few sessions, she asks how he feels about meditation. She tells him it might help him to feel more in control of his mind and his body again, to focus on his breathing and to clear his mind of anything else. When Marcus admits he wouldn't have the slightest idea where to begin with someone like that, she suggests yoga.
It turns out he rather loves it.
And now, on a late winter afternoon, Marcus has a mat spread out on the living room floor. The light is already beginning to fade from the day, leaving the room mostly lit by the twinkling lights on the Christmas tree he had insisted on putting up. No demon is going to ruin his first holiday season with both Dan and Sabrina living with him. He absolutely intends on having Neil, Kat, Sam, Molly and others over for a dinner, if they're willing.
For now, though, he breathes slowly, pushes up through upward dog and into downward dog, taking the time to stretch out his calves, his hamstrings. Each movement follows an inhale or an exhale. He moves in time with his breath, slow and controlled, through a sun salutation, then down again, lowering himself through chaturanga and then back to downward dog.
His therapist is right, as it turns out. All this makes him feel remarkably better.
