pushbackthedarkness: (002)
Since the day Dan had brought up the topic weeks ago, Marcus has been turning it over in his mind, trying to determine what he really feels about the idea of marriage. It isn't that he takes issue with men marrying each other -- or women -- and he thinks the fact that he'd officiated Neil's wedding with great honour can attest to that. It isn't even that he believes God is opposed to it, that he would be doing something contrary to his maker's guidelines, because he has to believe if God truly cared about any of it, He'd have made it known long ago.

It's awful to admit, but he thinks it might be the priests who had raised him. Marcus hates the idea of giving those men any such credit for having shaped the way he thinks about himself, but he has to imagine it must be possible. He had spent so much of his childhood and young adulthood with them, listening to them, internalizing their messages without even truly realizing it. He's never been a man who cared much for rules, not those set forth by the Church, not those put upon him by others.

But here he is. Uncertain and left feeling rather foolish because of it.

He had asked Neil to meet him for a drink, knowing if there's anyone who will tell him what an idiot he's being, it's Neil. And that's exactly what he needs right now more than anything else. He needs to be reminded that he isn't part of that world any longer and their rules don't apply to him.

Sitting in a booth at the pub, Marcus is already nursing a dark ale when Neil comes in and he raises his hand in greeting to let him know where he's seated.
pushbackthedarkness: (033)
Marcus isn't arguing with the demon so much as he's actively trying to swat the aggravating presence out of his head. For months now it's been a low level irritant more than anything, almost like the buzzing of a fly that's gotten indoors somehow at the end of the season and can't be found, but hasn't died yet either. If the demon's plan is to annoy him to death, it might just happen.

There are voices in the darkest moments of the night, whispering like silk against his ears, trying to tempt him, but Marcus doesn't think he can be tempted. One morning, all the fruit in the bowl has gone off, stinking and rotting, with squirming maggots in the centre of one orange. Marcus throws it all away without a word and washes the bowl thoroughly. Spider webs build up in the corners of rooms no matter how often he dusts them away and he sees several fat bodied wasps crawling sluggishly across their back porch.

But beyond the very presence of it, it doesn't try anything beyond occasionally showing up at Bennett or Tomas or Mouse. All tricks Marcus has seen before. He's not frightened. He's mostly just wishing something would happen so he can deal with it and get it all over with.

He's passing by the Church when it finally comes for him.

At first it's only a man, a stranger, young and handsome, standing a few feet away. He smiles and his teeth are black. His shirt is open at the throat and on his chest Marcus can see wasps crawling in and out of holes in his skin. Beside him stands a little girl wearing a pillow case mask over her head. They're holding hands.

"Andy?" Marcus asks aloud before realizing he knows this man's name.

Marcus, no! It's Verity's voice and he turns, confused, to find her running toward him from down the block. She's holding a gun in one hand, pointing it at Andy -- and how the hell does he know this man's name? -- and shouting something Marcus can't quite hear. As she reaches him, she evaporates into smoke, but he can almost feel her whispering against his ear. Don't trust him.

He's not sure who she means.

Then it comes all at once. Tomas, the woman named Cindy and the scene in the hospital. The way Tomas went inside with her, with the demon, and Marcus can feel the fury he'd felt then. There's Harper and her mother, the woman who kept her sweet, bright daughter so sick just to convince her there was a demon inside of her. Mere steps from Marcus, Andy smiles again and Grace, the little girl, she giggles as she grows taller and taller, a pool of black and stinking ocean water spreading out around her feet. The pillow case mask slips away and he sees a beautiful, rotting red haired woman.

He remembers the island and the home, the place where Andy had been fostering those children. Verity. Her disdain for him. His heart aches to suddenly remember her, all the things she had wanted him to remember when she was here, all the things he couldn't. Shelby and Truck and Caleb. Good kids. Such good kids. And a foster father who couldn't accept his wife's death. Who was terrified and sad and who let a demon in.

"God," he gasps, stumbling a little on the street. There's a strong hand around his elbow and he looks up into Matthias's face.

"Hello, älskling," Matthias says and Marcus feels the edges of his vision begin to go black.

The exorcism had gone on for days. Andy had killed a woman, he had killed... Harper's mother, Marcus realizes, and he and Tomas had put her body in the bathtub while they tried in vain to bring Andy back. Nothing had worked and then Mouse. He can hear her telling them both that it's hopeless, to just end it, to kill Andy, and even now Marcus is horrified by the very suggestion. By the woman Mouse has become.

"What-" he asks, but Matthias, still holding him, shushes him softly.

Tomas had almost died. Tomas, who had become Marcus's partner, his best friend, his infuriating protege, he had almost died trying to save Andy and Marcus knows what's about to happen before he gains the memory of holding that cold, heavy gun.

The shot rings through his head. He can hear it clear as day and he gasps and drops to his knees. He'd killed a man. He hadn't just failed Andy, he had killed him, and for a moment Marcus thinks he's going to be sick right there on the street in front of the Church.

But then Matthias is there again, slowly helping him to his feet. He's strong and gentle and exactly like Marcus remembers him being, even though he knows he can't possibly be here. Matthias is gone. He's been gone for months. But he's here, he's collecting Marcus, speaking to him softly, and when he asks, "Will you come with me?" there's really only one answer to give.

Marcus says, "Of course."
pushbackthedarkness: (045)
When Marcus realizes, his instinct is to shut himself off from everyone else.

It's been hard enough without Dutch, but to the end she hadn't wanted to live with them and had instead kept her own place, which meant she wasn't as intimately entwined in this space as Matthias is. As he was

The morning he wakes up and finds Trass in bed beside him instead of Matthias, Marcus is more confused than concerned, and a quick tour of the house doesn't necessarily increase that worry any. Matthias likes being outside, he likes this weather, the chill that still lingers in the air, and Marcus expects he's out for a run or working somewhere on the property.

But he does't come back. And he doesn't come back. Trass ends up whining at the door to be let out and Marcus opens it, letting the wolf bound off into the snow looking for Matthias. It's four hours before Trass returns and Matthias still isn't with him. He whines and sniffs and ignores the food Marcus sets out for him, then huffs out a breath and curls up on the bedroom floor, his snout on his paws.

Trass has something of an attitude, but Marcus has long ago been welcomed into the fold and has gotten used to it, too. He's not used to seeing the wolf like this and knows something is wrong.

Calls to Matthias's phone at first go unanswered, but on the second morning Marcus wakes up alone, there's a recorded voice telling him the number has been disconnected.

He sits with that alone for an entire day and night. Mostly he smokes, which he'd all but given up since arriving to Darrow, but there's an old pack of cigarettes he'd brought with him when he moved in. They taste a little stale, but it's a comforting, familiar gesture. He wraps a blanket around his shoulders and smokes and drinks tea and does sketch after sketch of Matthias and Dutch so he won't forget what they looked like, two of the very few people who have taught him it's okay to want something more than just demons and solitude.

On the third day, not so long that anyone will be worried, he sends a text to Kat and Neil. The ones who will care the most, he thinks, to know he's okay.

"Still here. I'm at the house. Rough few days. Matthias is gone, too."

It feels too abrupt, those words, but he isn't sure how else to say it. He's not okay, but a text isn't the place for the kinds of things he's feeling. All he wants is for them to know he's still here, still alive, because he knows they'll worry. He doesn't tell them not to come, because a part of him is craving company, but he also doesn't ask either of them to come either.

For now there's Trass, who lies beside Marcus with his heavy chin on Marcus's foot, staring up at him with big eyes, asking him to bring Matthias home.

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Marcus Keane

March 2025

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